Rachel Shore's Answers

Prologue

We were all sitting in the living room watching TV when the call came. My mom had developed a tumor and was screened for cancer. They said they would contact us as soon as they knew anything. I sat there watching her face squeezing my hands together as tightly as I could. She can’t afford to get cancer not with my baby brother/sister on the way. Whether she can afford it or not apparently doesn’t matter. I watched as her face fell and tears pooled in her eyes.

“Thank you” she said in a broken voice as she hung up.

We didn’t need to say what they found. Dad, mom and I just held each other in silence for several minutes.

“If I start radiation” she started, breaking  the silence, then looked at her belly  “he won’t make it.”

Several thoughts swirled in my head. First, I thought you don't know the gender yet. Then I thought what happens to my mom if she waits. The silence dragged on.

“I might make it if I start radiation after his birth.” She started “ I want a guarantee that one of us will make it. I have to wait.”

At first, I was mad at the baby for coming at such a bad time, but when I held him (Yeah she was right it was a boy.) I looked into his eyes and they were just like moms. Each eye had a little brown and a little hazel. You could barely tell that he has heterochromia from a distance but looking closely you could tell. She died 2 weeks after his birth and I remember her grabbing my hand and asking for my promise that I would always love and protect my brother. She wanted to make sure that I wouldn’t blame him for her choice.

We named him William Ray Shore, but I liked to call him Willie. I was only 8 years old. When I looked at his eyes I could see my mother and was reminded of both her love for me and for Willie.

At 18 I finished highschool and immediately jumped into college. My dad was so proud. I was able to stay close to home to help Dad care for Will now 10 years old.

3 weeks into the semester I was just home from picking up Willie from school and the phone rang.

“I’m sorry I know I shouldn’t have tripped him but he was bullying my friend.” He yelled grabbing my phone. “Oh,… It’s not the principle”

“Give me that” I laughed. The smiles and laughter ended there. The call was from the hospital. Dad had been in a bad wreck and they didn’t know if he would make it. I immediately drove us to the hospital to visit. When we got there they almost wouldn’t let us see him. One sympathetic nurse took over and brought us up to see him.

“Hey sweet things” he said as we walked in.

“Hi daddy how are you” Willie asked. Such a silly question at this time.

“You are strong you can beat this” I said fighting tears.

“Come here” he said and we both rushed over. “You will be fine. Just take care of each other. Rachel don’t let your brother get hurt promise me you will protect him and love him.”

“Of course. Just stick around to see it.” I pleaded.

“I'm sorry but we have to get Mr. Shore into surgery to help aid in his recovery. You need to wait in the lobby. I will come get you when you can see him.” The nurse said gently.

My brother and I sat in silence for almost half an hour.

“He’ll be ok. We’ll be ok” Willie said half asking half assuring me.

“Yes he will.” I said with confidence in my voice but not my heart. It seemed to calm my brother so at least that helps.

The nurse walked into the lobby almost 3 hours later.

“I am so sorry” She started.

I couldn’t hear anything she said after that. I felt small arms wrap around my waist and silently reached back down to comfort him. I was too stunned to speak. I couldn’t even see through the tears. I don’t know how long I stood there silently waiting for the will to move. I couldn’t believe that he could be gone with so little warning.

“What will happen to us?” Willie asked in a small choked voice.

Turning to face him I said “I will take care of you” I said kneeling down and holding his shoulders “No matter what it takes”

 We held each other in a long embrace and I still don’t remember getting home.

I had a part time job that covered college expenses with almost nothing left over. I knew that wouldn’t cut it for taking care of both Willie and me. I had to quit college and get a full time job to support the two of us. The courts then tried to give him a new home. I had to fight with them to prove I was capable of caring for him.

…

About a month after dad died I found a note from Will. It basically said that his grief was too strong and he needed to leave. This didn’t make any sense to me as both of us were slowly starting to address our grief and it was only by talking to each other and supporting each other that we made any progress. We had even gotten back to the part of life that includes laughter. I looked at the note again and noticed that it wasn’t his style of writing he usually used bad grammar and misspelled every other word. This note was perfect in that sense. It was definitely his handwriting but I'm not sure he wrote it. I called the police and I told them about everything including my suspicion and they disregarded it and filed a report about a runaway.

The one promise I gave my parents  was that I would protect him. I failed.