PEOPLE [An Inner Monologue]

CHAPTER 3: About the Dawn

  Every dawn I remember myself and my actions to her. She didn't do anything wrong to me, she was just brutally honest to me, I suppose. And maybe - to someone who wasn't usually sneered at most of the time before I met her - it accumulated into pent up rage every time she'd spew a word.

  That and the speed of change I was experiencing with our group. And the lies I told myself that I'd be fine and maybe even better with Veronica and them.

  She noticed it, too, she couldn't do much for it. She'd lash out on me too if I went over the board - lecturing me to just honestly spill my emotions.

  I didn't.

  I'm sorry, but I don't trust her so much.

  It's hard for me to communicate well in that manner.

  I told myself she was a bit annoying - but I told myself as well that I was the one insensitive. Internally I was conflicted on who was right or wrong. There really was no need for me to side with who. I'd still feel guilty and same on Veronica; she'd walk out feeling guilty.

  I knew I couldn't change any choices I've made - I couldn't bear the consequences.

  About that dawn... I wish I could've controlled myself better, express my thoughts on her better than hurt her like that. And just said, "I'll push through for you; I'll force myself through these tough transitioning times because I don't want to disappoint you." Because I know she's best with this group; I know I'd also improve myself for even just a bit with this group.

  Yet I feel something bugging me inside about this new change - for better or worse - at that time I didn't know.

  I feel anxious.

  Why did that dawn happen? Why did I let it happen? Why couldn't I contain myself? Why couldn't Veronica see the signs?

  No - she saw the signs - only the signs leading to my burst of emotions, however.

  However - she didn't predict anything odd in the future with them. She didn't foresee any negativity with or within them.

  I suppose at that dawn, I was to blame. Just because change, why should I point blame to Veronica?

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