This SURVIVOR has asked to stay anonymous, so if you want to leave a msg for her, go ahead i'm sure she will read it but if you want to make sure she gets it, let me know in your comment I will send it to her.
Ary
*****
So here it goes. I've been thinking about writing this down for awhile now. I think that sometimes i read and write about fantasy instead of reality cause you can forget what's real while your caught up in the story. but who knows giving you my story may help someone else help face the truths in they're lives.
The summer before I turned 13 (my bday is in august) my mom, myself my dads cousin Sabrina and her daughter Missy took a day trip to lake Erie. (closest thing to a beach near us) My mom and Sabrina were good friends as me and Missy were close cousins even though we're like third or fourth cousins. Taking day trips were a normal summer thing for us little did I know this was far from a normal day trip for me. Nobody and i repeat nobody to this day knows what conspired this day. not even my husband now and he knows just about everything from my past but I've blocked this up so deep that it's not surfaced enough for it to be real anymore.
My mom and Sabrina laid on the beach, Missy met some jock boys and were getting ready to play some volleyball. I however went to swim by myself. I've always loved to swim still do.
Seventeen years later I still remember exactly what he looks like. His tall slender body, long face pale skin dark brown eyes, long thin brown hair slightly wavy pulled back into a ponytail he had a black rope choker with a bone hanging from it. He looked to be in his early maybe mid twenties.
We were talking and flirting. I still wasn't used to getting any attention from boys in this way. I was a skinny little tomboy with no curves the year before. But over the past year i had quit ballet (my mom stuck me in it at age four wanting me to be a girl and hoping it would help with my balance since I'm a klutz) but tired of being on crutches every year i finally quit and went from a rail to b-cup and spanish booty. He asked me my age and i have never lied about my age even when I was with older kids and my friends lied to fit in I was honest. He didn't believe me. No way could I have been only 12 he told me checking out my over developed body.
I didn't notice that we had ended up in a more secluded area far from the people at the beach. I didn't mind at the time either i thought that I might get my first real kiss. (my first attempt of a french kiss was with my cousins Tae kwon do instructors son and it had been incredibly slimy and gross) I was very foolish and naive and being a stupid kid for not even sensing the danger before it was to late.We were about waist length in the water when he pulled me up into his arms.
I got my first kiss and wished i could take it back when he slid his fingers up the bottom of my bikini. i tried to pull away but his arm wrapped around my waist tightly and we were no deeper in the water. I said "No.Please stop." He told me the water would keep away the pain. I struggled to get loose but this just made him tighten his grip. I didn't know what was even happening until it was and the water didn't help the pain. I didn't scream i stopped struggling because that was making it even more painful. I just allowed it to happen. After he had his way with me. He said "See that wasn't so bad was it?" I wanted to spit in his face really wasn't so bad he had had just caused me excruciating pain after i said no and he stole away my innocence and was saying it wasn't that bad. Then he leaned in to kiss me again the kiss I was stupidly willing to give away in the beginning. But his grip on me had finally loosened and I dove into the water.
I swam as hard and fast as I could. I didn't allow myself to come up for air even though my lungs felt like they were decompressing in my body crying for oxygen.
