• Close your Eyes •

Introduction

Shattered glass pieces were surrounding me. They were pinching, painfully. But do you think physical pain is important when there's also a pain in my soul? The big piece of glass I hold in my hand was going to be the reason of my death. I made another scar above the one I made on my left arm.

I languished, stiffened. Pain doesn't work for my body.

The things that pinched me were not the pieces of glass. What pinches me was my past. My past that took my physiology, my childhood, my joy of life, and everything else from me. I was loosing my consciousness. The light that was coming from the part of window where the curtain doesn't cover the window completely was making the glass pieces shine. My blood was titivating the pieces of glass that looked like silver. It was like a painting of a famous artist. That's all. I breathed out, the part of my hair that falls on my face flew in the air. I was waiting the death. That should be the silence of death. It was dark around, the sun was barely rising up in the sky. The rising sun usually gives me a relaxation, but I'm too busy to relax now. The birds cheeped, I smiled. That was my last smile. The flowing blood was getting more. I felt my energy ablicate. I was too tired to carry my head, really tired. I felt the cold floor. I let my head fall on to it. I heard the sound of my tear hitting the floor. Farewell, my life. I closed my eyes.

The ajar door suddenly set wide open with a creak. The steps that came closer got faster. He strongly breathed out and wrapped his arms around me. "Don't help me" I said with my very last strength. He didn't say anything. I had no idea who the heck was that person who was carrying me. I didn't mull over it, death was waiting me. The last thing I remember before I swoon was the person who carried me was running.

"Is it worth dying for?" he asked, out of breath. "Yes, it is" I whispered. 'Is it worth living this life !?!' I thought, my last thought was this.

********

Lights were everywhere, the stars were giving a show in the sky. I was happy, too happy but I had no idea why. There was my dad, my dear mom was next to him. They were sitting on grass. My dad slowly held my mom's hand. My naked feet felt the grass."MOM!" I shouted as loud as I could. "DAD!" My throat hurt. I ran, I ran but suddenly, I was pulled back. Everywhere got dark, and I immediately skid through the garden of the house which burned my happiness away. I ran to the door,it was ajar, I pushed it. The curtain in the living room was on fire. I heard my dear Batur say "Sister!" The fire was insidiously getting faster, I felt the sweat on my forehead.

I hoped he could hear me and shouted his name, "Batur!" My brother was locked in his room, there was nothing I could do. I saw a little girl coming out of my room, she wiped her tears with her small hands. "Batur I can't get you out of there!" said the little Gunce. The doorway was on fire. I felt the sharp pain of the smoke in my eyes. I wanted to burn and die. Tears slipped down from my cheeks. I turned my head, there was smoke everywhere. The Little Gunce ran to the exit door. My tears were turned into hiccups, and I was lost in the terror I lived in my memories. I didn't fallow The Little Me, she had chosen a life that is worse than death. I ran to the entrance of my parents' room. The flames were not effecting me, how could they? Flames gush out the doorway of my parents' room. My crying grew stronger. I missed you so much mom, dad, Batur...

****

I woke up from my nightmare with a gasp, I was able to feel the sweat on my neck. "Are you her relative, sir?" "I am her friend" I gathered myself up with the air filling into my nose. There was a terrible pain. In every single part of me. A chair was moved next to me. The Person I Don't Know slowly sat on it. He looked at me, full of curiosity, and he kept looking at me. I stared at him, too. He owed me a death. I was done of the disgusting smell of hospital and the worst part may have been the fake oxygen they reclined on my mouth.

The doctor came in. "Ms. Gunce, you had a big trauma but we succeeded saving you from dying. You have a strong constitution." He cleaned his throat and continued "Our psychologist wants to see you. It seems like..." he looked at some papers from the folder he held "Well, looks like your family died a long time ago. I also want you to get your medicines when you discharge."

The person next to me was watching my expressions instead of the doctor, he still looked curious. I was kinda watching his expressions, too. He uncomfortably shuffled and stopped looking at me when he heard my family died a long time ago. "Get well soon, my advice is to not to make yourself tired so you can discharge soon" I turned my head and directed my eyes at him. Not only he butted in to my life, now he also learned my private life.

I studied his face; he's got curved eyebrows, a trim nose, and under his nose -obviously- lips, naturally pink, upper lip is thin but downer one is kinda full. He's got darkish, curly hair and blue eyes. I guess his eyes were getting grey in the center, or something like that. It was purple under his eyes. He had an innocent and curious view.

He was only a human after all. Why was he even here? I thought that it is weird to wait for someone you haven't see in your life before.

I just stopped staring at him and throw my head back to sleep, hopefully without any nightmares this time.

***

I should live since I didn't die, but I don't

know how to live. There were conflicts, unanswered questions and thoughts in my mind. I tried to get rid of them, I wanted to cry, but I have nobody to comfort me if I cry. I have no fulcrum to recline upon. I don't deserve to cry. But at least I was honest to myself.

********

I was finally discharged after 3 days. The Person I Don't Know wrote his phone number down on to a piece of paper and left at the end of the second day. I didn't even say a word to him, I wasn't going to appreciate him because he saved my life. I had a headache. I bought cream and bandage from the chemist's across the hospital. I got really few money, I had to use it carefully. If you ask where I found the money from, the answer is that The Person I Don't Know who brought me here left some money along with his phone number. Actually I shouldn't accept that money, but I have no other choice.

I thought, I thought alot. I want to escape from here right now, maybe to a foreign country, maybe to somewhere closer. But I couldn't. I didn't have money to go. I didn't have a family, and I had really few friends. And a suicide effort had failed. Sorry, please try again some other time. Thinking was making me uncomfortable but that wasn't something I could stop, I was going to think those anyways.

I walked to the bus stop.

We were playing a dangerous game with life and I was by far the looser. There were questions that I had to ask to The Person I Don't Know, but I didn't care. Not even a bit. Who he was or why he helped, these weren't my business. My business was my life. I looked at the cream and the bandage in the bag I was holding. I sighed. I needed to get rid of this city urgently. I took a random bus that goes to my rattletrap house. I had to go back before it gets dark. I took out the piece of paper from my pocket. There was the phone number below his name:

Berkay

917*******

I put the paper into the pocket of the coat they gave in the hospital. I didn't care if it was getting wrinkled. I wrapped the coat to me and felt myself lucky because I was able to see the sun going down again.

*******

I'm Gunce. As you all now, I'm someone who always made bad decisions, and who don't have anything to live for. Nice to meet you.

(WRITERS' NOTE: Hello there. We hope you enjoyed the intro chapter. But we think we should write a really important notice here. I will just put two quotes up here, and they're enough to say what I mean.

"Suicide does not end the chances of life getting worse, suicide eliminates the possibility of it ever getting better"

-Andy Biersack

"I am living proof that no matter how bad life gets, it gets better. I'm Gerard Way, and I survived. You will, too"

-Gerard Way

OK, bye now. Have a nice time:)))))