Gold Rush

judgemental eyes

:* ୨୧ Gracelyn ୨୧ :*

April 8, 2005

"Addy!" I called out, pushing open her bedroom door.

My eyes found her on her bedroom floor, stretching, obviously for ballet.

"Hello to you too," she smiled but it didn't meet her eyes.

"I have a bone to pick with your brother," I huffed, dropping down onto her bed.

"Of course you do," she sighed, shaking her head.

Okay, sassy for no reason.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I furrowed my brows.

"You know what it means, Grace," she crossed her arms over her chest.

"No, actually I don't," I shot back.

Addy and I never argued so I was taken aback by her sudden hostility. I know she has a lot going on but come on, this was way out of line.

"I saw you and Johnny go outside on my birthday," she looked at me with judgemental eyes. "Theo asked where you went, and I covered for you, but I don't want to have to do that. I think it's wrong what you're doing. You get so hurt when Johnny plays with your feelings but you're doing the same thing to Theo."

"You don't even know what happened that night! And why are you looking at me with your judgy eyes?" I scoffed.

"I'm not!"

"Yes, you are. I know those eyes better than anyone because we use them to look at people we don't like," I shot out, offended by my best friend's words.

"Fine! Maybe I am judging you," she raised her voice. "I think it's deserved when you're fucking with someone's heart! Theo likes you, Grace, maybe he even loves you and you feel nothing for him! You love Johnny, as weird as it is having you love my brother, I know you two are meant to be! So, break up with Theo or cut it off with Johnny. And most importantly, leave me the hell out of it."

"Oh, right because you know everything!" I scoffed, "I forgot the world revolves around you and your feelings. How dare I get a boyfriend."

"I don't give a fuck that you have a boyfriend!" Adeline was yelling now, "I care that you're hurting a perfectly good lad just to make my brother jealous! Does Theo even know about what Johnny said under anesthesia? Have you told him how you feel for Johnny? Because I'm sure that would change a lot."

Her words were like a slap in the face. I hated confrontation and I hated being wrong. I never lost a fight because I never backed down.

"I'm not with Theo to make Johnny jealous!" I hissed. "And for the record, you don't even know what happened between Johnny and I at your birthday party!"

"I know that you two went outside for a long while and then came back inside with soaked hair from the rain," she narrowed her eyes at me. "It doesn't take a genius to figure that out, Grace. I'm sure Theo noticed too, and I can only imagine how that felt."

"Well, what actually happened was Johnny confessed his feelings for me," I sneered. "He came out there all 'I love you, Gracie' and I shot him down. I told him that I have a boyfriend and I'm happy and he can't get in the way. So, maybe learn the facts before you start screaming at me for being a terrible person."

"I don't think you're terrible," her gaze softened for a minute. "I think you're hurting someone the same way Johnny hurts you and you need to realize that."

Maybe she was right. I was hurting him. I needed to stop, but at the same time I was furious. Why did she think this was her place?

"Stay out of it, Addy," I scoffed. "I can make my own decisions, I'm not as dense as you think I am."

"I don't think you're dense, Gracelyn. I love you and I want you to do the right thing." She looked at me with her big brown eyes and I knew she meant no harm.

"Whatever, Adeline. I don't need your input," I snapped and then headed for the door, slamming it behind me.

I knew I was being stubborn, but that's just how I was. I didn't want to be wrong and I refused to give in. I was also furious because this was my safe space, this house was my home. I was fighting with Adeline and avoiding Johnny, so I headed to the bedroom of the only other Kavanagh sibling I wasn't arguing with. 

I opened the door without knocking and Declan was sitting on his bed kissing—actually making out was a better word—Shannon. My eyes widened and they immediately separated, her cheeks turning pink in the process.

"Oops," I held my hands up in surrender. "Sorry, guys."

"You really need to learn how to knock," Declan glared at me.

"At least your clothes are still on," I offered, with a wink.

"Get out!" Declan shouted.

I laughed and closed the door, feeling utterly defeated and alone. The only place left was my house.

So, I headed out the front door and to the bus stop. Without the Kavanagh's I had nothing.