Hello, we are not accepting new orders till the end of March
"The art of writing is the art of discovering what you believe." - Gustave Flaubert
The Gemme Community has always believed in perfection, whether it's for our community, or for our precio...
It's an amazing cover! I love how the knife cuts through the title with a splash of blood on the knife and the title, I find that really creative. The background also resembles that of a crime scene making it more alluring and eager to dive into the story.
Title: 10/10
It's an intriguing title and also goes perfectly well with the cover and blurb.
Blurb/Description: 7/10
It was almost executed well. The first paragraph gave a glimpse into the world before introducing what would flip the normalcy of the world to another direction. I loved how it was described but when all the characters were written so vaguely, I didn't feel that interested to get into the story anymore.
The stakes were obvious but the motives behind it wasn't so obvious. You stated four children's lives which I suppose could have been better if you attached names to it and not just leaving it at 'Children's lives'. Moving on to the invaders with devious intentions to cause harm. This is where I pointed out that their motive isn't so clear.
There's no history of anything that happened in the past, maybe someone was punished wrongly for a crime they didn't commit and because of that, they return to seek out revenge against those that falsely accused them. See what what I mean? We get the motive and it doesn't necessarily have to be this way but atleast let the motive be obvious. Why does the invaders want to cause harm in the first place, what prompted the revenge? And perhaps if they are just a bunch of psychopaths then make it clear as well.
Creativity and originality : 10/10
I admire the fact that the story was written to shed light on the impacts of school shootings and how such tragic incidents can be prevented.
Plot and Flow: 18/20
It's currently just two chapters that's available so I can't say much on this aspect. Irregardless, the plot seemed to progress a bit slow, I expected a fast paced thriller judging from the cover and blurb but I didn't see any hint of that in the first two chapters.
Character Development: 19/20
Each characters were portrayed perfectly well and I loved that you were able to achieve that in the two chapters without making them too lengthy though I would suggest making it brief as it slowed down the pacing and made it less exciting to read through.
Writing style: 8/10
You have a lovely writing style. Everything was written so vividly in a way that I could picture every scene. You have a way of capturing your readers and bringing them into the world you created.
Though I noticed it became too excessive to the point that it slowed down the pace like in the first chapter, Gracie missed the bus and was in a haste to get back to school but even before she left that spot from calling her dad to reminiscing of the past to thinking about her mother, everything seemed out of place. She was standing on that spot and all that was going through her mind. It would have been best if she had been on her way while those memories pours in and then you can chip in her mother little by little not all at once because that just moves the narrative away from the present which can be a bit discouraging to read for your readers.
I noticed same thing even as she was on her way to her neighbour's place. There wasn't any sense of urgency in her actions.
Grammar, spellings, etc.: 8/10
Close to the end of the first chapter, 'I scoff, playfully shaking my head funnily. I would suggest replacing the words with -ly with another more direct words as it became to repetitive in the chapters.
Overall: 90/100
Aside from everything I made mention of, I enjoyed reading it! One particular sentence stood out for me and it's this, 'Home should be a place where you can breathe without suffocating.' I loved how you depicted the relationship between Gracie and her dad after her mom passed. I hope the story would be updated soon!
These are all suggestions on my part by the way so please feel free to change only what feels right to you. Thank you for accepting me as your reviewer and I would love to see your story grow!
⬦⬥
Please get in touch with your reviewer if you have any questions! Thank you for working with us! We hope these comments will help you improve your story and give you a sense of achievement for writing such a wonderful story.
⬦⬥
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
