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❄ Battle of Invisible Thorns | Brit ❄

Reviewed by: ChristineAcedon

Book Title: Battle of Invisible Thorns

Author's Name: Swanangel15

Cover: 5/10

The title in the cover doesn't stand out as well as it could and the art seems generic. I think that your story deserves a cover that stands out a little bit more. Cover art is not my area of expertise, so I don't have any outstanding recommendations, but maybe a cover that includes thorny vines? With her interest in being a singer, maybe something with an empty stage and a spotlight?

I'm sure you could come up with something much better than anything I could suggest.

Title: 10/10

I think your title is amazing. I would recommend capitalizing more of it. Rise of Midnight, Book One: Battle of Invisible Thorns or something along those lines. The actual title of the book should be more prominent, but it wouldn't hurt to indicate that it's a part of an ongoing series somewhere on the cover, if you choose to do so.

Blurb/Description: 7/10

There is a story on Wattpad by ray_of_sunshine9 called 101 Writing Tips from an Exhausted Reviewer that I love and would highly recommend. Specifically, in this instance, their chapter on Blurbs. It's in Part II of the book. They break down blurbs and the best formula for one very well. A brief summary of what they say (but please check it out, because they have quite a bit to say, even about different types of reviewers you may want to work with) is that your blurb should introduce the following:

- The characters: name, purpose, why the story is about them.

- The conflict: What's the problem?

- The stakes: What do they stand to lose or gain?

- The setting: Where is this all going down?

Overall, you do include this information and a solid start. You should not have to defend and/or explain why you chose the title you chose. The title should be able to stand on its own without you defending it. Allude to different aspects of the title throughout the story, but don't include a defense in your description. I would also recommend a quick proof of your description. For example, Alexis's last name should be capitalized.

Creativity and originality: 10/10

You have a vision for your story. That is clear from how much you've thought about the title and what you put in your description. Of course, there have been stories of the least favored sibling done before, but you're putting your own spin on it.

I like your concept and I can see your vision. You clearly care about your work and it shows. Keep going!

Plot and Flow: 15/20

Regarding your prologue; first, I would like to say I love your idea of going back and giving a glimpse into the types of people Alexis's parents are because it really begins lying the groundwork for your plot. As a mother of two, I would like to point out (though, not everyone may know this, so they certainly may not have) that the eye color of infants are very likely to change within the first year. Many infants are born with light blue or gray eyes. Their eye color usually becomes clear between 6-12 months, but can take longer.

Overall, I can see your plot and I can see your intention, but it's like you're shouting your intention so loudly that your not giving your readers the opportunity to discern it for themselves. We are repeatedly being told that Alexis doesn't measure up and that she's ugly. Even strangers in the store remark on her appearance, but it doesn't have to be so blatant, and I would argue that the entire world shouldn't see her as that.

The way you are treated by those around you colors how you see yourself and how you assume the world sees you. For example, the lady in the store, remarking on Diamond's appearance. When she eventually inquires about Alexis, maybe instead of her making the comment she does, you really emphasize Alexis's parent's response to the woman's question.

Character Development: 14/20

From the first chapter, the inner dialogue that Alexis has with herself seems well outside of her age group. I understand that she is meant to be a prodigy, so there will be moments where she actus older than she truly is, however the maturity she exhibits throughout strikes me as unnatural. When this happens, it makes it somewhat more difficult to relate to the character. You may reconsider the point-of-view you tell your story in as it can be difficult to write in first person point-of-view when the main character is so young. Possibly dividing your story into Parts One and Two? Part One being told in third person, in order to help more accurately depict her age?

I also find her parent's treatment of her and her sister crazy, which I definitely understand is the point, but perhaps if it were a bit more subtle? Show their favoritism without them explicitly saying it all of the time. For example, taking Diamond out somewhere and while everyone is getting ready, they all pile in the car, but whoops! They totally forgot about Alexis. Sometimes showing with actions hits a bit harder than the words ever could.

Writing style: 8/10

I've harped on the showing and not telling, I've harped on the maturity you've given your characters, so I won't go into a lot of detail of them both here, but I do think once you get a handle on those things you'll find your writing style fine tuned and ready to go. These are the main issues that I have, and they do affect how your writing comes across.

Grammar, spellings, etc.: 5/10

There are moments where you may place a space before a comma, or you capitalize the word right after a comma. There are other moments where you start sentences without capitalizing. When using titles such as; Mrs., Mr. or Ms., you should be sure to include the punctuation and capitalize the name following. For example, Mrs. Walker.

These small errors are consistent throughout your chapters and I would just recommend that you work with someone to get some proofreading and editing out of the way.

Overall: 74/100

If you've read through all of my notes, I may not currently be your favorite person. As a people pleaser to my core, I hate that thought, but I'll own it for now. Naturally, you may be feeling offended, defensive and protective of your work. That's great; you should always care deeply for something you've put so much time, energy and thought into.

Please, get a second opinion and don't just take my thoughts to heart. Mull it over and decide if there's any truth to what I've said and think about how to make it better because you will make it better. Alexis is a strong character and her story needs to be told. By you. This work has a lot of potential, and I look forward to seeing what you can make of it.

Thank you so much for allowing me this opportunity. Thank you for your patience and thank you for your hard work. Please feel free to reach out to me if you have any further questions, or if you make some changes and want to have me review it again.

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