The Sadness With The Light Of Hope

The weight of tides

I break so easily,
A smile turns to tears in a breath.
Laughter becomes a cruel memory
That drags every mistake to the surface,
Making me drown in my own regrets.

I am too fragile, too much of everything.
They say this world isn’t meant for me—
Perhaps they’re right.
I feel too deeply,
Hold on too tightly,
Lose myself too completely.
Everything I touch becomes
Too much,
Too wrong.

My mind is a restless ocean.
Waves of thought crush me,
Pull me under,
Make me silent in fear.
I can’t cry for help,
Afraid they’ll see me as
Pitiful,
Unworthy.

But the tides never stop.
They hit harder each time,
Bruising what’s left of me,
Breaking me further.
I beg for my lifejacket—
Just to be seen,
To be heard—
But only when I am breaking.

Even then,
The kindness burns.
For someone like me,
Peace is a distant dream,
Trust, a fragile illusion.
I fear the weight of weakness,
The judgment of being strange.

So, when the tsunami rises again,
I let it take me,
Drifting far from those who cared.
It’s cruel, I know—
To disappear after spilling my storms.
But fear drives me to shores
No one can reach.
I stay there,
Alone,
For days, months, or longer.

Am I the only one who shatters this way?
Why do the waves always push us apart?

I owe an apology to my saviors—
For my vanishing acts.
But I’m afraid.
Afraid the fear will
Always pull me away.
Yet, if we meet again,
Would you still wait for me?

Or is that too much to ask?