I am an only child, the apple of my parents' eyes. I have never been afraid to face challenges, and I lived my life to the fullest up until now.
Where did it all begin?
I got a new job at Kim Industries. I was great at every task. I received praise...
"You're fine?" Jimin hyung asks me from the other side of the phone.
"Yes, hyung. I'm sorry I didn't contact you when I landed. I was so tired," I apologize.
"Don't worry, baby. You called us now. Anyway, you must be tired. Get some rest."
"Okay, say hi to Yoongi hyung and Jihoon. I miss you all," I confess, sitting on the edge of my bed.
"Okay. Take care."
"Bye, hyung."
I disconnect the call and toss the phons on the bed before lying down. I release a big sigh.
I arrived in Korea this morning and came directly to my parents' house. Chaeyoung suggested that I come to her place since it's closer, and she also said that she would be taking a day off for me, but I rejected the offer. It's better here with my parents, moreover I don't want her to take a day off for me.
Nonetheless, Chaeyoung and Wooyoung came to visit me a few hours ago. I had dinner with them and my parents all together before they left. Currently, I'm all alone, so I suddenly remembered to call Jimin hyung since all I sent him was a message letting him know of my arrival here.
Now that I'm unchaperoned, I have all the time to think about myself. I don't feel tired, and I won't be able to sleep now since my sleeping schedule is messed up due to traveling to Italy.
On the other hand, after I got to know that my pregnancy was a false alarm, Hoseok apologized for making the mistake. He looked really guilty for the thing he hadn't done intentionally. I assured him that I was fine.
But I don't think I'm fine. Yes, I didn't want any string to connect me to Mr. Kim, after getting to know his true color, but I feel a bit... lost. It's not like I didn't want this child; I was yet to decide. However, the fact that I actually never had any life in my stomach shatters me somehow.
I had a hard time understanding it. I had felt nauseous and tired. In fact, I had even fainted. Were they all because I was under stress? I don't know the answer.
I exhale deeply, lying on my side. A manifestation of my crumbling life slips from my eyes. How long do I need to cry myself to sleep? I'm so exhausted.
I miss him.
He might have already forgotten about me, but I'm still agonizing in his memory. Destiny is so cruel.
I close my eyes so that I can stop thinking.
Everything around me is very dark, but I recognize this place. This is the same field of lilies I've been to. The only difference is that now, it's nighttime. I'm scared of dark. I'm think this is another dream of mine, but I can't be sure. I'm having a hard time distinguishing reality from dreams.
I wrap my hand around myself as I feel cold. The hair on my neck stands up due to feeling someone's presence behind me. My forehead is sweaty as well as my palms. I gulp, not knowing what I may be anticipating. Biting my lips so that I won't cry, I turn my heels. To my shock, there's no one.
But I felt someone's breath.
The wind starts to flow very harshly on my gentle skin. My clothes aren't able to protect me. I need the warmth I felt before. Otherwise, I'm going to freeze to death.
"Mamma."
I jolt wake, distorted. My breathing uneven. My body quivers, a sheen of sweat gathering over me. I close my eyes, trying to keep my breathing under control, trying to absorb the chaotic sensation that my dream has unleashed on me.
What was that dream about?
I ponder. I keep having these weird dreams about me being lost somewhere. It is as if the universe is trying to give me a hint. But about what? I was never like this before. It all has begun after meating Mr. Kim.
I feel breathless. Getting off the bed, I open my window to let the air in. I feel the gentle breeze touching my face.
In my dream, I heard a baby voice calling "Mamma." For a mere second, my heart was filled with maternal love. I reflect on it: it may be because I just found out that my pregnancy is false. Perhaps my inner self is having a hard time coping with it.
A sigh hangs from my mouth. I need to get myself together and build my life again. I must put my past behind so that I can move forward.
I come to my bed, closing the window. I close my eyes, trying to get sleep. If I'm being honest with myself, I want to have another dream where I can see that baby who called me.
——
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