The Path to Becoming a Chen

Part I

I closed my eyes as tightly as I could, ignoring the crimson light's silhouette dancing against my eyelids. My body fell back against the soft bed and slowly submerged into the soft cushioning. My arms reached up and my hands covered my ears until soon, all I could hear was my own breath. I frowned at the quickened pace of my breaths and tried my hardest to steady it. In attempts to do so, I took a large gulp of air in my mouth before clenching my eyes even tighter; feeling tears tickle the inner corners of my eyes. I held my breath for as long as I could without even bothering to keep track of the time. All the sounds around me became nothing but a blur when I finally exposed my eyes to the bright light. Warm tears finally trickled down my face. I finally let out a deep breath before hearing the quickened pace again. I covered my ears and once again, it didn't help. I shook my head, hoping for something to happen. Hoping that the sound of my breathing would leave. Hoping the sound of my quiet sobbing would leave. I knew it wouldn't happen, but it didn't stop me from trying.

Finally realising how stupid of an idea it was, I lowered my hands in my lap and stared down at them. I sat watching as tears slid off the end of my nose and into my half open hands. I stared as each tear would collide against my skin and settle into the small crevices that dug deep into my palm. Eventually it all came to a stop and I roughly rubbed my hand against my cheek, smudging the tear stains all over the rest of my face. My eyes were still puffy and it was almost as though I could feel how red they appeared without even needing to look into a mirror. I knew I was alone but I still felt embarrassed. I was a wreck and I was so afraid of people finding out, of people seeing me for what I truly was. But there had to be something wrong with me, right?

There had to be.

Suddenly I heard the door open and footsteps gently tap against the wooden floors, creeping closer and closer down the hallway.

"Shit," I whispered to myself, "Why are they here already?"

My whole body began to shake as I carelessly thrashed the remainder of my clothes into my bag. With each footstep I heard, my heart beat a million times faster. I could feel it threatening to burst out of my chest.

"Come on. Come on. Fucking shit." I breathlessly 'motivated' myself to quicken my already rapid pace and fumbled with my belongings, all while trying to steady my hands as much as possible. I half smiled once I had finally managed to get everything I needed. Without even looking at my bag a second time, I violently tugged the zip over as far as it would go, glaring at it with rage once it got stuck on one of my shirts that still hung out of the side of my bag. I didn't have time to fix it though, I could hear them getting even closer to my bedroom door.

I tightly held onto the bag as if my whole life depended on it and tossed it out of my fully open window, not even bothering to watch it collide against the grass on the other side. I looked around the room franticly to find my shoes, there was no way I was going to be walking all that way in just my socks. But the footsteps were so close now, I could hear them almost just outside my door; but then they just stopped. I felt as though I could finally let out a sigh of relief but at the same time, I felt as though I couldn't breathe. My eyes trailed around the room and finally landed on my old shoes, tossed in the corner of my room.

All of a sudden, I heard the footsteps again, getting even closer and filling my whole mind. In less than a second I then heard someone's hand grasp the door knob. I didn't give myself any time to think before quickly diving towards the shoes and tossing them out the window, falling head first out behind them. I sat up straight and gasped quickly once I heard my bedroom door open. I heard the footsteps again, but this time they were in my room.

I grabbed a hold of my shoes and bag, pulling them back towards myself and hugging them closely against my chest. I pushed my back up towards the wall as if my sole purpose in life was to move a solid, steady brick wall.

"Jongdae" I hearedd them screme. No. It was family. My appa is calling me Name for me. Yeah that's is my name but not anymore. Now I will going to change it. I wil now be a Chen and not Jongdae. I m going to SM and to auditon. I want to be Chen idol. My papa keep callinng me and I stand up and wlak. Because now I do not stay here. No more. I walk as I look and whiel I walking I think to myself as I loko. I still hold shoes though and sit down and put on then walk agani. Now I need to fined the building, my new home building stay place with buddies. I want to be EXO.

Is trolling on floor and onto bus top. I do not completely really fully absolutely 100% completely know where am I go but I still go. My feet stay on floor while I wait for shiny bus to pick me. I wait minute and see it come by. I smill because I feel happy now. The bus door does open and I walk into bus with dollar (even though I do not need ticket because I am Chen ). I have ticket and sit. Outside I do see tree. Trees move fastly. Not fast as my heartbeat cos I think of EXO with the SM and my heart beat so fast. I clench hand on chest because heart beat too fast now, I am thinking, Please don't flutter away, you are mine, Lay beside me, you're in my body, you're mine now (foreshadowing, EXO k?).

Bus still go but I still jump off because I see the SM and I see the window open and I see electric in my vein and electric window jump off, for I am Spooderman. (Btws I am not EXO yet so no electric I am still Squirtle not evolve to Pikachu yet, pokeball, I am very rare species, take cares).( Btws, todays my birthday but I am not born today but it is my birthday I am turning 21 so I am going to YG to join 2NE1). I look to the wall and I see the audition poster, it is JYP, I see Jaebum oppa. I am going into audition and I am not nerves at all because I have ultimated swag in my bone and the electric in my vein and romantic in my heart. My feet do walk me to the room and I standing not very tall because I am short bu I am still handsome with my pretty face and beautiful body, but I don't have S line, not yet.

Soon.

My body put in audition and I do my working for audience. The others suck, I'm winning#. I do my hand signs and my feet fly because I Dance with passion. My passion pierce my heart and eye. I cry. Do I say goodbye? I don't want to lie, but I do deny. Are you a spy? Or can you tell me if I can fly? Can Kris tell me why? Maybe MBLAQ can give it to my Y. Tpby (ti's like Moby Dick but with, without T) Like whale it was free.

My hands dance night away and arms flail in heartbeat like thump, thump. Then I accept. To dorm I stroll. Walking but I see Baekhyun and Jaebum, my unnies and oppars. I walking along them and Im Jaebum tell he accept too. Jaebum is in my dorm but Baekhyun is going to backyard, I do not know. Maybe he is science. It is good for brain. I get into room and smill at Jaebum but he wave and walk. I am alone again.

"Yah jinjja, waetoriya." I quickly quietly whispered to myself alone.

"watashi wa totemo shiawasejanai" my tongue do say without control. "eeto, sukoshi muzukashii to tsumaranai desu yo" I still talk to self. My self sudden sing BTS, I Need U. Tohonjamarunne. I need Jungkook wae honjasaranghago honjasumaribulhae. I Need Jimin, wae. But my fanboy heart at body stop and I breth. Bangtansonyeoshidae do not notice my heart and romantic yet but I am full charisma charm, notice me, come at me, senpai. Or unni or oppa. Or Hyung. I like onions very umchly but I smell breath very muchly. I do walk to bathroom for relief of this pain in my head smell.

Why do it smell I do not even eat but onion boy get me. I do not like onions so much today but sudden something change in heart. Skip a beat like skipping rope I'm pretty athletic actually but not revealing body yet, abstinence, waiting for The One (foreshadowing okk?).

To be continued...

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