They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I believe they are right. Five hours travel distance might be close for others but why do I feel like I've been deprived of my lifeline? In this cold summer night where I'm alone in my room. I'm constantly checking my phone beside my pillow and waiting for it vibrate and flash his picture. Unfortunately it hadn't. I log in my Facebook account, and sadly no unread message. My heart sink and I realize my tears are falling.
I'm sleepy but my body won't allow me. I'v been reading for hours now to let myself forget my miseries. With every line I read comes memories. I'm tired. I'm forcing myself to let go and give him space. I pull myself up and wear my blue furry slippers. I walk in my room's wooden floor only to find out I'm now facing my decade old wooden cabinet. I open it and pick the green-painted wooden box that I bought one Christmas season. It was light but I know that it's contents are heavy. They are the only things that keep me believing that everything will be alright. That one day I would see again his grin when I give him small gifts without occasion and his frown when I pouted my lips when I asked him a favor. I miss all of those looks and most importantly I miss the feeling.
I go back to my bed. I take my newly bought earphones from my bag beside my bed and then I take my phone to play a song. This song is what I've been listening for months now. You can say that i'm a masochist but I don't care. Crying is better than staying silent and waiting for nothing. The voice of a boy started singing and I take the box again. I open it. Inside is an album of our old photographs. These were taken since we were just in the "getting-to-know-each-other-stage". We were together for almost a decade before "this" happened. I flip the pages slowly. I'm following the song's slow pace. When the guy is singing the refrain part of the song, that's when my heart melt again. It never fails to make my heart feel stabbed a million times. River of tears start flowing again.
We keep this love in a photograph. We keep this memories for ourselves. Where our eyes are never closing, hearts are never broken... time forever frozen still.... I weep and weep. Memories of yesterday keep flashing back. I'm so tired of waiting but I need to be strong. I'm going to wait for him. I get the old photograph that I love the most. It's a picture of us one sunny Sunday afternoon. We were outside an old yet strong-structured church. We were all smiles oblivious to the people around us. I remember, that was the day he told me that we will be saying our vows in that church behind us. And as the song comes near to its end, I close my eyes and sing with it... Singing
wait for me to come home.
Chris :)
7/23/2015
