Dark Souls

1: Change

Life used to be simple to me; just an elusive pattern of a path that either spun you upside down or right side up. Simply a walk or a journey towards death. You either made it great, or fell apart at the seams.

I never thought that I'd meet Death half way instead.

The unexpected was a beautiful concept I'd never dreamed of before the accident. Now I pity the ones who do not understand it. I pity the ones who don't understand and are stuck in the blind brightness I used to be so intrigued with.

On the 21st of October, I guess my unexpected began to unravel into something that has no doubt changed my life forever.

****
Work was dead that Thursday evening. Standing behind one of the three vacant counters, all scattered with books, the luminous screen of the computer was the only thing keeping me awake. It was only 6.55pm, but the slog of the afternoons library handling was as fruitful as watching paint dry. And watching paint dry was pretty boring shit.

Working at the local library enclosed in the town centre, opened up doors at lunch time but other than that, filing books and clicking at a computer all day was anything than enjoyment to me. Don't get me wrong, I loved books. I loved how lost you could get in a world another human being had brought to life: how persuaded you could be by someone else's diction. However, my job didn't really entail sitting in one of the corner chairs, nose in a book of EE Cummings finest poems. Even if that's what I would of much rather done.

My friends didn't really know about my job-not that I cared enough to tell them. None of them knew me well enough to ask. They were far from the reading type- intelligent, yes, but only if finals were happening the next day. At that moment in time, they were were probably skinny dipping in the sea getting off on three bottles of vodka Keelan had stolen from his Dad's liquor cupboard. Being only equated with them since the start of senior year, their gross lac of impertinence to life was astonishing.

My family half cared what was going on in my spare time too. Mom-an erratic frazzled mess, was slowly breaking apart but showing me how hard she was trying to keep me from falling down myself. Dad? He was hardly there-turning up late for dinner was one thing that made me happy at home. At least he made an appearance then.
I couldn't blame him.
I mean, I was the one that initially forced us across the country. Why wouldn't I expect him to be permanently pissed off? However, no matter how much he showed that he didn't care, my Dad would not agree with drowning myself along with a bottle of drink clutched around my shaking fingers. Especially on a Wednesday night.

Yawning, I glanced at the overhead clock- the painful tick making my insides squirm- before locking down my computer. It's bubble background faded into sleep, prompting me to grab my bag from under the desk and fold my jacket over my arm. Turning aimlessly towards the exit, fumbling for my keys and overwhelmed with tiredness, I almost didn't hear the crash of books emitting from the libraries main seating area.

Almost.

Spinning towards the dark library corner, my throat ran dry as I'd remembered scanning the shelves less than hour ago. No one had been in the comfortable alcove of books, so I'd returned to the desk filing paperwork. No one had entered through the main entrance either...or had they? Bleariness, fading out into open space- those had been the main emotions of that evening, so maybe not spotting someone walk into the library wasn't unusual.

Still, I allowed small pot of panic to melt at the bottom of my stomach.

Walking over towards the dark corner, my fingers tightened around the bag on my shoulder. Glasses sliding down to the brink of my nose, I itched them up annoyingly- the heat from the room was beginning to take full effect.