Urban Nomad

Light of thought

Thursday 23rd July, 8:30 pm

... "F*ck me"... Great I swore again...Buddha bless me.

I put my ice cold hands together and bow my head slightly forward towards the laughing Buddha on top of my dead fireplace, Buddha's joyous expression would normally make me happy and bring warmth but looking at him now makes me feel like he's just laughing at me, he knows my shit. I run my fingers through my hair and walk back into my room, barely making it around the corner entering my room and I bash my toes which were only wearing my school socks for protection.

F*ck me! Again!? Seriously? Now I have to go back and ask for blessings again? Screw you, I'm not gonna bother myself with blessings at this time of night.

I turn on my heels, quickly bow.

This will have to do for now, Buddha blah blah blah. Ok cheers buddy have a goodnight.

I walk and sit right in the middle of my carpeted floor where my pencil case spewed out all my stationary and my books laid open, tanning under my lights. It looked like a crime scene , though the mystery was solved already. I'm too lazy to clean up properly and I still had to finish my art drawing. I love art but today I can't stand it, I can't get her eye to look perfect, her chin makes her look like a man... So many imperfections but I have to keep drawing. I look down at my book, then at my pencil.

Should I keep on drawing?

Forget her Alex...

"No. No. No, i have to remember her. I have to remember her face, her name... Something!

I open my sketch book and start working away... Furiously carving away at the page with my pencil.

Come on! Come on! I need you to be perfect... I need to remember something about her...

I get startled by my phone's alarm....

5:00 am, Friday.

I drop my pencil. I look at her.

"See you at 7:30, sleep well."

I crawl into my bed half naked and bunch myself into a little ball. Can feel my knees rest against my bony chest...

"Why am I so thin?" I whisper to myself.

Buddha bless me...