Cleaning Out My Mind

Longing

It puts me in a bad state of mind to actually think about not being able to ever see my idols. The fact that because of finances, language barriers, or a way of transport is always in my way when I want to go. I want to be one of those girls that can go up to them and say that they made me so much happier. To see their faces light up when I mention that and they just thank me. I want that, I want all of it. But the simple, annoying, inexcusable fact is that I can't do that. I can't tell them that they have brightened my days by listening to their music or by seeing their videos, No. I can't see them in person and experience the full view of their performances. I have to sit behind a phone or a computer screen just to see them. I can't explain how angry and upset that gets me. It causes a storm to rage into my head and in my soul, knowing that I may never get to be with them. I want, No, I need to see them and I can't explain the feeling in words without bursting into a million tears, flooding the entire room that I am in. My brain is being throw around in my skull, not understand why I care so much about people who don't even know I exist. That I cry over them when they do something that hurts "me", really wanting to grasps their mindset when doing that type of thing. I feel like I'm being super whiny but when you get that you may never see your life savers again, with whatever reason(s) you have, you will get why I'm upset.