Forbidden Afflictions // Alfie Solomons Peaky Blinders

(29) Rounds and Forewarnings

Going back to Birmingham felt different. The house that once carried good intentions and protection now felt lonelier than ever. Beyond the emptiness, something else lingered that she hadn't noticed before. Coming back for her medical documents, she had so much on her mind, that she didn't have time to consider what the house harbored in her absence. 

She wondered what had become of it while she was away. Nobody new owned the home, which meant payments were still being withdrawn, but how? 

Perhaps Alfie was taking care of the installments, but then how would he have the power to do such a thing? How would he have access to her account? How would someone allow a seemingly estranged bootlegger from London to pay for a Birmingham gangster's home? They had no ties to claim to each other. Anyone on the outside would see them as strangers and strangers didn't pay for each other's mortgages.

If not Alfie then perhaps one of her brothers? Or perhaps Polly? Michael? 

She didn't know how or why anyone would keep her house from foreclosing. And whoever came into her home certainly brought some energetic baggage that hadn't been there before. The air was heavy, but not with anything she could pinpoint. 

She sensed something just short of death. It felt as if someone was mourning inside and the pain they suffered seeped into the walls and marinated in waiting for someone to inject and torment. If there were any space left within her, she would have drowned in it. 

She took a clean set of sheets from her spare closet and dressed her mattress before falling into it. She slept most of the day but she couldn't survive the night without more. When she was asleep the pain dissipated. She couldn't feel anything when she slept and carrying that much weight exhausted her. Even if she wanted to rise from her slumber, the toll it all took never let her. 

She swam in a pit of darkness, utterly numb to the world outside her skull. There were no dreams to occupy her mind and she was thankful not to have to face him even in her unconscious state. She was glad she didn't have to kiss him, scream at him, or draw blood for that matter. For a while—since meeting Alfie—all she ever dreamt about was him or the wars she faced with her brothers and sister. Either she was killing someone for Shelby Company Limited or she was dancing in Alfie's arms; and quite frankly, she wasn't sure she could handle much of either. 

By the time she stirred, the sun was high in the sky. It was midday when she drew herself a bath and fed herself a concoction of meds with her lunch. When she was to meet Pip later that day, she was going to be sure to look better than she felt. The poor boy had enough to deal with and she didn't need to add to the stresses of early adulthood. He was unlike any worker she had ever managed. The Shelby's had plenty of kids do their bidding but none of them ever got so close as Pip had. Never did Freya go to their homes or take care of them after their fathers deserted them and their sickly mother. 

She cared for Pip long before he cared for her. It wasn't until she gave them a second chance at life as a family had he began to love her. She hired him to be the eyes and ears of the city. He did the job, she paid him for it. She didn't owe him anything but money and yet she gave him something far more valuable in exchange for nothing. She showed empathy when the world grew dark on him and it served her no purpose to care for him or his father yet she did nonetheless. 

They cared for each other in a way no one would be able to decipher. No amount of observation or any organization of words would ever be able to describe what they felt for each other. Freya felt it was something special, what she and Pip had. It was a pure kind of love, some kind of selflessness even she couldn't express. It was as if she were able to bid him farewell for all of eternity if only she knew he would have everything he could ever want in her absence. As long as she knew he was safe, happy, and taken care of, she didn't need anything else from him; not a note, not coin, not a telephone call, nothing. Knowing he was going to survive the wicked ways of their world was enough for her to find satisfaction in it all.