Life should be lived

The last time

I gave you a kiss on the cheek that morning as you dropped me off to school, like I normally did before walking to class. That day wasn't normal at all, if I knew that would of been the last time I saw you I would of kissed you longer and held you tighter. Nobody knows when life decides to explode right in front of you though.

I remember dad calling me in the middle of class, I answered to hear his voice was shaky and weak. He couldn't seem to spit his words out. A weird feeling tightened my stomach making it impossible to breath. I froze in my seat, taking gasps for air frequently. I remember everyone staring at me while I was on the phone, the tears wouldn't stop flowing down face. I couldn't take the news, I ran out of the classroom and towards the front gate of the school as fast as I could. I sat there waiting for Dad to arrive, sitting on the soft lush grass all by myself. I told him that everything would be ok. I took a few deep breaths in, while I thought about Mum, how pretty she looked today and how she smelt.

The colour of grey appeared up next to me as I hopped in the passenger seat, reaching over and hugging my dad tightly. He was a mess and so was I. My eyes were slightly red like roses and puffy like clouds, my dad looked like he had been hit by a truck. When he let go and wiped his tears onto his shirt I could clearly see the purple and bloodshot eyes slightly glazed from the tears of heartbreak. He tried his hardest to hide the pain with a crooked smile before he reached over and held my weak hand.

"We..have to stay strong for your sister" Dad managed to say.

I nodded and gave back a little smile with uncertainty. He slowly drove off towards home. My sister had the day off today as she wasn't feeling the best, I honestly wasn't either but I decided to go to school.

On the way home I couldn't stop thinking of the way her voice sounded, how she dressed, how she winked at me when I told her that the waiter who served us was hot that night. Or when we did the dishes how we talked about our day, or when I was first learning to drive manual and crashed into a tree and she took the blame. Just random things that made me tear up uncontrollably, I never knew how much I actually took for granted until this moment.

I looked over at dad, we had just gone passed the local shopping centre on our right. "So, how did mum?" I asked quietly. He glanced over at me, before focusing on the road again.

"It would be better to tell you both together" Dad said before I said "yeah" and looked at the rain sliding down the window. Just another corner before we reached home.

Coming into the driveway hit me like being rolled and tossed around under water, like drowning. I couldn't breathe, I struggled but pushed the door open and fell to the gravel floor, breathing quickly then spewing over and over until I finally stood up.

I felt a large hand pat my back and push the hair out of my face, I saw dad on the corner if my eye. We slowly walked inside to see Jordan asleep on the couch. Dad let go of me and walked into the kitchen, I walked onto the outside balcony and sat in the egg chair like I usually did staring out over the sea. The smell of the refreshing sea breeze was calming.

"Shouldn't you go clean up?" Dad asked with his glass of orange juice in one hand and sandwich in the other. "If you make me one then yeah" I said looking at him with a slight smile. "Already made one" He says sarcastically as I walk right past him into the bathroom down the hall.

I close the door behind me then undress before Turing the nobs slowly at the same time, I stand there letting the warm droplets hit my body. Minutes later after I washed my hair I dry myself and throw on my soft baby pink robe before walking into the kitchen. I grab my sandwich and start taking nibbles I notice Jordan finally woke up as Dad was on the balcony when I walked past and the channels are being flicked through.