Messy feelings, Messy decisions ♤JeongChan♤

Chapter Five: I am a monster, am I?

First of all, I'm sorry, I said that I would post this chapter on 20th January and I didn't... but my life had been hectic these last days, so I'm really sorry...

TW: mention of rape, angst...

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"It's been five months that Chan has been mute," stated Choon-Hee, Chan's mother. "I don't know what to do to make him talk again. He doesn't stop staring out the window."

"Hmmm, as I said before, it's a response to the trauma he's been through," replied the female doctor who came to their house to check on Chan. "He's only seven, almost eight, and he saw his brother die."

Since San had died in a car accident while trying to save Chan from being hit, Chan had become mute and unresponsive to everything around him. He would eat, wash, stare out the window, the one overlooking the road where San had died, and sleep. That had become his routine. Choon-Hee was at a loss as to how to help her son heal. She had taken him to countless doctors, but the answers were always the same: Chan was traumatized by his brother's death.

"I think you should consider moving somewhere else. Otherwise, I don't know what could heal this boy," the female doctor continued. "We can do everything we can as doctors, but if Chan isn't in an environment where he feels safe enough to start healing, he won't. So I really think you should think about moving."

The doctor looked at Choon-Hee, who was shedding tears unknowingly. This was her home. This was San's home, the last place where she could hold onto memories of San. She didn't want to leave; she didn't want to abandon her San. But she also couldn't condemn Chan, who showed no signs of recovery. It took her three weeks to consider the possibility of moving somewhere else. It was heartbreaking, but she had to do it for Chan, her young son. It took another two months to find a new place in a different state.

After just a few days in their new home, Chan began showing signs of recovery. He no longer spent his days staring out the window. He started playing with his toys again and interacting with his mother through his eyes.
Then, one day, he suddenly began speaking normally, just like he used to. At first, Choon-Hee was overjoyed, until she realized that Chan had forgotten everything. He had forgotten San, the accident, and most of his childhood. Not only did he forget, but he also created a new reality for himself. In this reality, he was an only child who had lost his incompetent father in a car accident where his father had tried to save him. It was a reality where only he and his mother existed.

Choon-Hee was happy to see her son return, but as the days passed, she noticed that Chan was living his life normally, without realizing that he had caused his brother's death because of his carelessness. This filled her with anguish. She hated seeing Chan happy when she was so broken, having lost her beloved son, San. Then, unknowingly, she started resenting him. She only wanted her San back, but instead, there was Chan, a faded copy of her wonderful boy.

*♤♤*

Jeongin couldn't tear his eyes away from Chan. The older boy was finally asleep after a massive panic attack where he kept calling out "San." The same San that Chan had confessed to killing. Jeongin didn't know much about Chan's past, only that he was from Australia and had left his home country at thirteen. Chan never talked about his past because he either got emotional or avoided answering any related questions. Jeongin didn't know if Chan had a happy childhood or not. Chan never mentioned having a brother; whenever he talked about his family, he only mentioned his mother and his late father.

Jeongin couldn't accept the fact that Chan might be a killer, nor could he understand why Chan would confess to such a thing. He tried to recall anything that could provide clarity, but nothing came to mind. Where had he supposedly committed the crime, in Korea or in Australia? How had no one seen it? And why had no one ever mentioned that Chan had a brother? It was always just Chan and his mom. Why hadn't his mother pressed charges? Or... was Chan even telling the truth? Did he invent the whole story? But why? What could he possibly gain from it? Jeongin was lost. Why was Chan here with him and not with his mother? What had happened?