I envy those who live in the light. Those who were blessed with the hope filled warmth of a new day and still have room to complain that the sun is too bright. It fills me with unsustainable rage to stand there, unseen and unfelt, and watch them discard their blessings without a care in the world. Mostly because I once contributed to the ignorant ton of this world.
I lived in the light once. I opened my eyes everyday to the brightness of the sun, and turned my head away from it in disdain. It was perhaps one of my many regrets, because I never noticed that day after day the light was ever so discreetly fading away from my reach. I failed to notice my world get darker. Never noticed until one day I woke up to a dark world. I world with no sun. A world with no light or warmth. It was only a world flooded in darkness, and a world that I was completely unfamiliar with. I developed dislike for it the moment I arrived in it. It was eerie, the darkness didn't hurt my eyes when I looked at it the way the sun did, it only radiated emptiness and I hated it. I tried to escape, tried to find a way out, but to no avail.
I found myself trapped in a never ending tunnel of darkness, and everywhere I turned I was met with the same scenario. Cold, damp air hung heavy in the black sky. There was no bird chirping on a tree branch, the trees were void of their leaves, void of any identity. No other colour existed in this world, only black, tinged with grey, but no white. And I was trapped here like an innocent unjustly sentenced to imprisonment. That was my initial misconception.
For days I pursued light, I refused to give up hope. I failed, again and again and again. This prison-of-sorts had boxed me in. Was this hell? Or was it the universe's twisted and fucked-up way of teaching me a lesson? I didn't know. Nor did I know what possibility I hoped for.
Eventually I could feel the life being sucked out of me. Every emotion had evaporated from within me, leaving me a hard mask of indifference. One day, I happened to stumble across a flicker of light. A flicker of hope. But this speck of purity failed to enter my soul, blocked by the hard walls of darkness that protected me, imprisoned me. I could feel human presence on the other side, calling for me, shouting my name. But the person they called out to was not me, not anymore. I was void of identity, and this darkness was my abode. I was now a soulless vessel.
my hard wall stayed intact for an indefinite amount of time, before it reached its breaking point and cracked, before it shattered like brittle glass. I screamed and screamed. I yearned escape. But the light I once saw had long since diminished. The voices I once heard had faded away into nothingness. I longed for light. I longed for warmth.
Anything would be better than this. I clenched the dry, dead soil in my fists and dug. I continued to dig; my pale, bloodless hands breaking away at the lifeless soil until the hole was big enough. I then fell into it and closed my eyes , finding peace for the first time. I let this darkness fade away and through my closed eyes, I followed a light, the light I yearned for. The light that took me away from this darkness forever.
