Yours, Mine, & Ours//Lashton AU

Five

Ashton had never been much of a cryer. Even when he was a little kid if he hurt himself, he would just walk it off.

Now though, in the past six days, he had cried at least a dozen times.

One of the few times he had cried when he was a kid was when he was 8. He was climbing a tree and when he'd gotten fairly far up, a branch snapped from beneath him making him fall backwards landing on his back. He blacked out for a couple seconds and when he woke up, his entire body hurt. He'd gotten the wind knocked out of him and could hardly breathe.

When Ashton received the call 6 days earlier, he had a similar feeling. Except triple the distance he fell at.

Things still didn't feel better now. Sometimes, Ashton still had a hard time breathing.  Sometimes, he felt like he'd blacked out. All the time, his entire body hurt.

After he had finished up helping Liz, Ashton went over to Michael's. Michael watched tv. Ashton sat in the room that had basically become his. He had also made the decision not to open up the letter Luke wrote specifically for him. He had no idea what was in it but he didn't think he could handle it so soon.

And then, Ashton started thinking.

There had always been so many nevers in his life. He would never be rich, he would never get to travel, he would never get to own a cat, and as far as he knew, he would probably never move far away from Sydney. These were all things he didn't care about. As long as he had Luke, those things didn't matter.

But now, he didn't have Luke.

And now, he would never grow old with anyone, he would never raise kids with anyone, he would never get married to anyone. These were of course, things he could do eventually if he ever truly wanted to, but they wouldn't be with the love of his life. They would never be with the person he dreamed of it being with. He could always do these things but they would not be with Luke.

There were also things he could never do again. Ever. And that's what hurt more than anything.

He would never hear Luke's voice, he would never be able to hug him or hold his hand or kiss him or touch him in any way, he would never be able to have sex with him, he could never have a conversation with him, he could never look at him, but mostly, he would never get to tell Luke he loves him again.

Then, Ashton stopped breathing.

-

Ashton woke up on a couch. Michael's couch. And Michael was sitting right beside him. When he realized Ashton was awake, Michael glared at him.

"You scared the shit out of me Ashton!"

Ashton sat up and realized there had been ice on his forehead. He groaned.

"What happened?"

"I have no idea but I heard you crying and when I went into your room to check on you you were unconscious. I kind of thought you were dead!" Ashton's face twisted into an expression that could only be described as excruciatingly pained. Michael's face fell. "Oh shit. Ashton I'm sorry that was a horrible choice of words I wasn't thinking I am so sorry."

Ashton bit his lip and shook his head.

"It's fine." His voice cracked, showing it was clearly not even a little bit fine.

"No Ashton it wasn't that was a horrible thing for me to say and I honestly can't believe I would do that i am so sorry."

"Please just, just don't."

Michael nodded still feeling bad.

"Do you need anything? Water? Food? Coffee?"

Ashton shook his head.