Shredded Heart

Today, I turn eighteen. For normal girls it means they graduate high school and go to college, for me? Well, first off, I'm a werewolf. I've waited eighteen years to finally find my mate. The only day one can know is their eighteenth birthday. A large celebration will be held for my coming of age, but I'm not sure how I feel about it. What if my mate rejects me? What if he decided I'm too weak to be his love. What if he's an alpha? I'm a total underdog, how could I compete with others?

My eyes dare to drift towards the clock, noticing the time to be only two AM in the morning.

"Happy birthday to me..." I whisper into my pillow.

Cold rain pitter patters on the windows as if tiny little fists, all knocking to be invited in. I sigh staring at the full moon outside. Clouds pass over it, going to and from without a care or worry for what may be going on in my life. I envy clouds, you know? They pass by, go with the wind, don't give a crap about anything. I wish I could do that. I'm so worried and worked up about all this mate stuff. My mom and dad don't even love each other because both their mates rejected them. What if that happens to me? I want to love the man I wed.

I'm so scared. If I could do anything to keep tomorrow from happening, I would. The fear engrosses me with shadows that seep into my bones. I shake and shudder with tears, so worried and scared of the future. My whimpering barely remains audible over the trickling of water. I watch the moonlight scatter across the ceiling, only a dim light remains from the half hidden moon.

The faint glow of purple paint comes from my ceiling. I sigh, knowing that I may never see this room again. I wonder what my mate's house will be like... I wonder what my mate will be like... Will he be like Samuel, the Casanova of the Crew? Or will he be like John, the loner of the pack who always reads books? Or will he be abusive like my sister's mate? I've always hated Tamoa. Mate or not, my sister needs to love someone else. I roll over on my side, sighing to myself. Mates seem to weaken you... Not make you stronger. I always heard stories that they are a part of you that you never knew was missing... But I don't want to be miserably in love with someone when all they want is sex! It's pitiful!

I sit up in my bed, staring at my reflection in the TV across from me, "Okay, Celeste. This is just sad."

I slide my feet off my bed, turning on all my lights. I stare at myself in my bathroom mirror. The girl who stands there looks miserable with red, puffy eyes, tattered brown hair with aqua streaks going to her middle back. Her tank top pulls up her cleavage to the point of showiness. Her Nike shorts ride up to her underwear.

"You hot mess... Or maybe just mess," I say to the mirror as the girl looks at me with a 'you got to be kidding me' look.

My mouth opens wide with a large yawn. I splash water in my face, waking myself up. My head nuzzles into a towel for comfort of dryness. Sitting on my bed I put my head in my hands.

"Why am I so worried? Everything will be okay. Yeah," I lie to myself. I lay at the foot of my bed, rebelliously laying across the bed with my head hanging off.

"Can't sleep?" a voice comes from the other side of my bed.

"Carter!" I burst up to stare back at the teenage boy who sits on my windowsill. Rain drops come through the window as he shuts it, his hair a damp black mess.

"Thought you could use some company for your coming of age," he smiles, then pauses, "Okay, so I needed company for my coming of age, but I brought you a birthday present."

I laugh sitting on his lap, "and the truth comes out! So what's the present?"

He gently pushes me off his lap to stand up. He pulls his backpack around to his front opening the front pocket. His lips curve into a smirk as he takes out a little box. "Happy birthday."

I receive the box and open it slowly to find a tiny diamond bracelet inside, "Carter... Wow... This is beautiful," I wrap my arms around him while holding the bracelet.

"A beautiful bracelet for a beautiful girl," he takes it from me, wrapping it around my wrist.

"I feel bad because I didn't get you anything," I say.

"Hey, it's okay. Happy birthday to us," he smirks.

I give him a big bear hug, "What happens if you aren't my mate?" I stare at his muscular chest with a dog tag. He holds me close to him like the good little boyfriend he is.

His chin rests on my head, "Don't think about it too much, okay?" His breath tickles my scalp.

We sit there for a few minutes, just taking in each other's presence, "Hey... Wanna go for a run in the forest?" I say, pulling away from him.

"You know your dad hates it when you turn into wolf form, being underage and all," he smiles.

"But I'm not anymore! Let's go run as eighteen year olds. This will be a first!" I smile at him.

He sighs staring at me, "I've only turned into my wolf form once before... I guess now that we're of age..."

I smile at him with anticipation, "So...?"

"Alright."