Different Worlds

Prologue

[It was a matter of seconds...that changed everything. It was different at first. I was different. I was happy. I was myself. Now I wonder...what's left of me? Who's the person setting my heart on fire?...]

There are twelve different signs in the European Zodiac; another twelve signs in the Chinese Zodiac, and thirty-six signs in the Indian one. So many numbers that are able to define the hidden personality of an individual... So many colors, temperaments and nuances. We are all different. Each of us has something more or less than the one next to him. How can we live in harmony, despite being so different, I wonder? Aah..sure. No one is giving importance to these differences, no matter how huge they may be. Nobody has the courage to explore the unknown. What's left to do then?...

...I'll be the one to grab the ropes to knowledge and mystery! And I will be the light that'll set everyone's hearts on fire!

I was born into a beautiful family, full of love and warmth. In the house where I've lived, as a tiny rat, conflicts never existed. And even if there were conflicts, I'm sure that my parents wouldn't let me find out about them. I was happy. I have lived my life as a paradise, with my beloved ones.

My mother, born under the sign of the metal ox in the Chinese Zodiac and under the one of the Cancer in the European one, always gave me everything I needed and she sprinkled my childhood with the most beautiful moments, that I won't ever be able to forget.

My dad, a rat just like me, but sharing the same element as my mom, born under the sign of the Aries in the European Zodiac, was, by all that can be, an artist. He had a heavenly talent in both drawing and music, he was a skilled chef and an extremely critique person by nature. Everything that was coming out of his hands was magic. Of course, my dad had other various talents that I couldn't observe, and I regret it. He was an intelligent man, with a great soul, and even if we were arguing sometimes, due to his critiques or... due to our passionate spirits, he gave me, just like my mom, the best memories and great results in everything.

With my grandfather, who was born as a dog in the Chinese Zodiac and as a Cancer in the European one, I was spending my days playing in the park. He was a very funny person, unless he was angry. But...I guess that no one is funny while being angry.

And, the last, but not the least, is my grandmother, being born as a fire rat, just like me. The only difference between us was her European sign, which was the Scorpio. I strongly believe that she is the one I loved the most. I can't say why. But I suppose that the love you give and receive in a family can't be justified. She was the kind of person that you'd love unconditionally, no matter what she'd say or do, you'd love her forever.

Together with her, was a classy tomcat that I used to consider my brother. Why? Because my childish logic made me think so. If we were to think about the signs of this small, but GREAT spoiled cat, we would say that he's a boar in the Chinese Zodiac and a Capricorn in the European one. Yes. The one and only Capricorn that I met until I grew older and went to high school...was a cat. Or so I thought...

In this warm and welcoming family, I've lived my life as a paradise, and I eventually came to know about the existence of other members, which I wasn't able to meet so often. I remember myself saying proudly, anytime someone asked me: 'I have a great family, we're six in total!' I was so happy and I didn't seem to care about the fact that I was forgetting more than a half of the actual family. Even if I visited some siblings once or twice when I was little, for me, the most important ones were those five people from home, who greeted me with their warm glances, at each new sunrise.

But what can be done when losses begin to appear? You overcome all of them and look forward, because the future is what's important. Yes, but the present is important as well. What if the present hurts? How can I guarantee that the future won't hurt as much?

What I'm talking about isn't a low grade I got from school, because that's a failure that can be easily overcame by studying harder. I'm talking about the human loss. The death. The one that separates the soul from the material; the time you spend trying to get used to the idea of not being able to see a loved one until the day you die as well. But you know your life has still so many years ahead, and you must fill those years with success and brightness.

One after another, the constellations of those people I loved unconditionally faded away. Starting with the one of the Capricorn. Followed by the Cancer; fortunately, only a half of that constellation died. But the most significant losses, which occurred in a single year... were the Aries...and Scorpio. The two 'rats' that I loved and respected so much were pushed out of my life during the year of the Water Dragon. Why, I wonder. Why have I been betrayed by my 'best friend'? Ever since then, I started getting complicated feelings towards the dragons. It's true, I still consider them fascinating creatures. But I can't know if I love them or hate them, I suppose it's a little bit of both. A little bit of 'both', huh?

And so, slowly, I began to distance myself from the world. To change. I got two personalities. How is it possible? The answer is simple. I am a Fire Rat, born as a Gemini. However, I do not consider a bad thing being 'two in one'. A part of me is the mature girl, introverted, slightly aggressive, passive aggressive. The other part is the child, who is distracted from every important thing, with her head in the clouds, outspoken, too attracted to people and to the steep topics of discussion. The child who sees everything in a funny way, agile-minded, a dreamer, caught in the spell of love; her heart's burning. Burning for everything that's beautiful and elegant. But if her feelings of love and protection are strong, her hate, her anger and her jealousy may be even stronger. The thing that's binding the two beings is the desire. The desire for beauty. An unquenched desire. But each of them sees the 'beauty' in a different way. One is drawn to the beauty of the mind, the depths of souls, and may read your mind when you expect it less. The other one is attracted more to the bodily beauty, to the material, and she's running tirelessly, looking for the ideal that can never be touched.

For many years, my dual sign has been a unity, a whole. At least, that's what I felt. There were no internal conflicts. It was always harmony. Everything went smoothly back then. But all those sudden losses have changed me in a way that no one has expected. Not even myself.

And so, I successively appeared as the invisible one, the one who wanted to socialize, but was more attracted to the information in books or articles, attracted to the way she was changing from a second to another and to perfection, and then, just like a storm, the extroversion came into my life, followed by the urge to endlessly talk to everyone and by an inexplicable indifference towards all the things I considered 'difficult'.

The changes I've been through have brought me a dream. An eternal flame. The dream which the childish part of me thinks I'll fulfill easily and it's going to be fun, a funny way towards success. The other one says that I won't ever be able to achieve my goals if I don't act.

The child's reason to fulfill her dream is the love, the freedom, the desire to rule over all the new things. The adult's reason is perfection. Affirmation by nothing less than excellence in her chosen field.

With such an inner conflict, I keep living, trying to forget about the losses I had to fight. But my question remains... 'What part of me will succeed?' and then... 'Will I ever be a whole again?'

One by one, various people have entered my life. They gave it color, exuberant, radiant nuances. I want to keep everyone close to me. I want them to be with me when I'll achieve my goals.

My life is currently hanging by a childish dream. The source of my happiness and sadness. I want to realize that dream. I want to make my reality into a dream. Because I know that when I'll succeed, countless fascinating entities will be waiting for me. And only two of them...will stand out. 

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