Aphasia

Not All Men

Trigger Warning: Rape

When I was 10
I was kissed for the first time
I guess you could say it was from someone I used to love
After all, he was the man I was supposed to call
My father

When I was 11
I heard my mother
Talking about a girl who was raped, murdered and left for dead
She told me that girls were supposed to cover up and stay home
Away from prying eyes

When I was 12
I was already tugging at my hemline
Trying to cover more of myself because the guy who lived next door
Devoured me with his eyes
Every time I stepped outside

When I was 13
I had my first boyfriend
On our second date, he put his fingers in between my legs
And I begged him no and clawed at his hands
But he was stronger

When I was 14
I found out that two of my friends had been sexually harassed by their uncles
And another one by her mother's best friend
They told me they wished they could claw their skin off
And I felt the same

When I was 15
I had a crush on a boy with beautiful eyes and a beautiful smile
We talked like lovers for ages every night
Until he asked me for cyber sex
I said no
And he never talked to me again

When I was 16
A guy I knew kept asking me for nudes
And trying to make me feel guilty whenever I objected
He made bets every damn night;
The loser was supposed to strip naked
And snap a selfie

When I was 17
My mother made me lock myself in my room
Every time my cousin came over
Because he had a way of touching me inappropriately
Every few seconds, by 'accident'
And I was supposed to be okay with it

I am still a kid, still young, but my innocence has already ceased to exist
That's what happens when you live in a society
Where it is less risky for a girl to jump off the top of a building
Than walk home alone at night

That's what happens when monsters don't hesitate
To grab at anything they can even when
You're passing by with your parents
Clutching your hands

That's what happens when all the adults around you
Keep telling girls to hide everything, to cover up, to stay modest
As if it was a crime to be born with a vagina instead of a penis
Because obviously, the hunted should be stopped
Instead of the hunters

I'm still a kid and I've already been soiled more than once
By the predators lurking in the shadows
And by the people who were supposed to
Protect me against them

So don't you dare tell me, don't you dare
Open your mouth and say
'You're just overreacting'
'It was because your skirt was too short'
'It wouldn't have happened if you stayed indoors'

Don't you fucking dare
Tell me that
Because if you were in my shoes
You would've already torn yourself to shreds
Trying to get out of a body you don't feel comfortable being in

You don't know how it feels
When your own skin
Is the most dangerous place you can exist in
With a bulls-eye tattooed on your back
For target practice

So don't you dare
Tell me that
'Not all men'
Because yes, maybe not all
But more than enough
Have made my life hell

And you don't get to decide they didn't

- s.m.

a/n: Yes, men also get raped and everything, but I focused on the larger percent of people who go through these things while writing this poem ok cool