I Don't Mix Business with Pleasure

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓽𝔀𝓮𝓷𝓽𝔂 𝓯𝓸𝓾𝓻

            
"You can. It's just us out here. We've been vulnerable with each other." he whispers.

"I- fuck, I can't," I say suddenly wanting to get up. I don't though. I stay put but tense up.

"You're worrying me. Do you have a boyfriend I don't know about?" he asks, trying to lighten the mood.

I scoff and lightly smack his shoulder.

"Of course not."

"I-I- think I-"

"Love you?" he cuts me off, his face growing serious.

                                    𝓛𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓸𝓷

She stares at me in shock before saying anything. Is it too late to take it back?

"Landon—What?" she asks, widening her eyes.

"I–sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me."

I can feel the alcohol making its way up my throat. I'm now fixated on the heartburn I'm experiencing. I truly didn't mean for that to slip out. Im not that fucked up, but she's starting to make it harder for me to keep my mouth shut.

"Do you- you know? Is that why you asked me that?" She whispers, shifting on my lap.

Her body stiffens, but we're both stuck here. There's nothing either of us could say or do to make up an excuse to walk away from this.

"Love you?"

"Well, yeah..."

"Love you?" I ask again.

I didn't mean to say it out loud the second time. It sounds weird hearing myself say those words out loud. It feels foreign.

She lets out a deep sigh, looking anywhere but at me.

"The other night when we were watching TV, you did say that's why you lo-"

I cut her off. "I know what I said.

The time has come and I can't man up and admit how I feel. I can feel myself putting up a protective wall and reverting once again to the only person I know how to be.

"Did you not mean it? But-"

Panic is setting in for her and now she's word vomiting.

"I was caught up in the moment, I told you that. Listen Florence, I like you- a lot."

"I shouldn't have asked. Why'd you finish my sentence then? What, so I'd humiliate myself? What if I didn't question you, and said yes?" She asks, becoming defensive.

"Of course not. We're both drinking and got caught up in-"

"The moment, yeah, I know. You always say that."

"You've helped bring out a person in me that's been trapped for so long. Shit- I didn't think he was still in there. I don't know if love is something I can give you though," I reluctantly say.

I know I love her. Damn it, I don't want to hurt her though. The thought of fucking up- I can't. I know until I fix myself and my shitty attitude, I can't risk ruining her. She's a good person and to simply put it, I'm not.

"Then what are we doing? The hotel? What about you coming with me to my parent's house? Yelling to the city how sorry you are? The sex?" She asks.

I can see her eyes glossing over as they well with tears. The last thing I want to do is make her cry. Now that it's come down to admitting my feelings, I'm scared. Everything I've pursued since my mom died has gone up in flames. If I fuck this up, I'm as good as dead.