I'm tired. I'm tired of being depressed. I'm tired of the sadness. I miss my smile. I miss my never ending joy and I miss my old love for life. The love for myself. And the love for others. Now, I'm stuck in a deep dark hole with nothing around me. And the more she speaks the deeper I sink. There are a few moments of light, happy moments. But they're quickly shut off by the monster in the hole with me. It's keeping me in, dragging me under. And sometimes I can't breathe. What's funny is the monster used to be my friend. When I was little I always wanted to play with it. I never wanted to leave it. And now I'm crawling. Scratching at the walls doing everything in my power just to get away. To find a way out and to never look back. I know it needs me. I know it longs for the friendship we once had. But the person who became the monster is no friend of mine now. The unconditional love the monster had for me has since turned into a burning hatred. It's obsession to constantly ruin every ounce of progress I have made in trying to climb out of the hole is overwhelming. The monsters main purpose was to lift me up. Push me to new heights and eventually be the reason I'm living. But in all reality, it's the thing holding me back. Closing my eyes to the world and never letting me move forward. It will inevitably be the death of me. Unless I kill the monster first. Soon it will have to realize what it's doing. She thinks she's helping me but in all reality she's making life miserable and just pushing me away. This hole it has me stuck in has left me hating everything and everyone. Rejecting the lights and the monster herself. It even has me rejecting myself. I hate myself. With every fiber of my being. Every mistake I made that she's points out haunts me day after day. And it hurts. To be broken by someone who's supposed to love you unconditionally despite all of your faults. In the end. The only two words I can think of to describe my hurt are "I'm tired." But in all reality those two words mean 10000 more.
YOU ARE READING
No one but me.
RandomI'm not doing this for anyone but myself. For my own self to read and remember. This is simply a place to put all my stories relating to life that may relate to others as well. Some have real meaning some may not. No one will know but me.
