Raven's Lullabies

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Wouldn't it be better if there is anyone out there who could hear me? Just anyone with whom I can share my sentiments, my worries and my fears, because at the moment, everything seems to come and go; seems to flow continuously in my head that nothing could stop it unless I distract myself from it, unless I proclaim it out to the world. And that will be my cure, yet at the same time, the bitter start of another pain.

I know you do not know me, but I have come before you in this seemingly odd letter to profess whatever I could to actually provide you with the happenings in my life. Although I am bound, even after writing this, to speak to nobody, I hope that someone will eventually know what my life is, if not, know where I'm coming from. From this point onward, I hope, my dear reader, that I could fill the gap from which secrecy had purposely created and silenced.

The critical point of my life started with headaches, tears and immense pain. It was the first night of bewildered dreams that haunt me ever since, and left me at that moment on the side of my bed, helpless, terrified and awake. It felt as if I had an excruciating experience of a nail being hammered hardly into the depths of my skull, little by little, that, realizing I was robbed of my voice, my silent wails of torment could never cease. it was nothing I have experienced before; minute by minute, the agony intensifies, added more by the horrifying voices that seem to whisper behind my ears; their dead, raspy tunes and melodies echoing inside me, tearing my sense of being. "Please stop," I silently whispered, my tears falling down my cheeks. "It hurts... it really hurts..."

I felt a hand brush the side of my ears. It was cold, and bitter that it sent chills down my spine. the pain lessen but the fear, the dread, kept me still and silent. Then something goes near me; so close that I could feel the midnight air touching my left ear. Should I? it whispered.

Helpless and desperate, I tried to fight the fear. "Yes..." I plead.

But won't you leave me... it asked.

I was lost. I don't know what to answer. Fearful of what might happen, I began to tremble, sweat, and exasperate for air. My tears flow more freely and I was silent. Then the silence grew louder and longer that every second drags my soul to nothingness. Its reply to my response would be unbearable that I cried for mom and dad inside; for Lisa and Peter to come and save me.

If only they could save you, it replied.

I burst in tears. Hysteria took over me as the pain started to seep in once more. Pounding, the hammer continues, and the nail going deeper and deeper to my skull. It hurts, and I could only limp my body together and sank my head on my knees. There's nothing more to think, nothing to hear, and nothing more to feel.

Numbness was everything I felt.

Come by. We'll be waiting, it resonated before I blacked out.

******

"Baby wake up... We're here... Come on, please...." I heard someone say, with a tone of desperation and fear. it was mom's voice growing more and more coarse as she calls me while forcing her sobs to subside.

"It's alright... " Dad said over as if he was holding her fears down. "She's going to survive the phase. I know she will."

"But..."

"Shhh.... She'll make it," he answered. "That's all we need to know right now-"

"Mom," I called out as I slowly opened my eyes and saw them standing right in front of me. Their worried faces were instantly brightened the moment they realized I was awake. Coming now towards me, Dad kissed my forehead and thank God for the good news. Mom followed and after brushing away her tears, asked me how I'm feeling.