Belong.

Chapter 1. Broken home.

I had had enough. I looked around the room full of people I'd never seen in my life. Most wore black, the ladies in smart elegant dresses, the men in crisp clean suits and accompanied by a small white rose. They all looked clean and tidy. The women wore a small amount of make-up and their hair showed the effort of hours. The men's hair were gelled back and their faces were shaved. They all may have looked clean but inside them I could see the truth. They were dirty, sinful even. They all wished for power or wealth and would do anything to acquire it. It was amusing that they all felt "sorry" for the death of my father. All of them came up to me with the same bullshit line "I'm so sorry for your loss."

'Ha! Well thanks, but I don't want your sympathy! I just want to mourn in peace.' Why did they think they had the audacity to feel sorry for me anyway? When none of them had ever helped us through our hardships, giving us nothing when we had no money to feed my father nor me.

The thought made me glance over into the kitchen and I looked at all the food people had brought. The table was filled with different flavored pies and casseroles. They looked really good and my stomach growled in response. "At least now there was food in the house." I thought to myself. Why is it they always brought some sort of damn home made food?
The family never ate it and then it would go straight in the bin. It was pointless. Maybe they did it because then they wouldn't feel so bad about invading the family's personal space. Most of these people were just here because they wanted to know how much money they would get out of my father or perhaps they were just coming to be nosey. I couldn't have known that but they were all selfish bastards nevertheless.

As I stood in the corner of the room I could feel their eyes on me, watching me, examining me, trying to see inside my soul trying to understand what I was feeling, what I was going through. But of course none of them successful. How could they understand how I was feeling. None of them had to deal with the circumstances I was facing nor had they experienced how rough my life had been already.

I lost my mother when I was 8 years old. She was involved im a car crash and died instantly. It killed my father inside and he told me everyday that if he had just gone with her, we wouldn't have lost her that day. I always told him that he couldn't have known what was going to happen, that he couldn't blame himself. But of course losing his beloved wife was to much for him and he sunk into depression. Losing his job and starting to drink, he would sit on the sofa for days just staring at the tv, watching my mother on the home videotapes. It was like he wasn't even watching the tv but was in a trance. When I tried to get his attention, he couldn't see me nor could he understand what I was saying to him. He was totally emotionless, almost dead inside. The one tape he watched the most was one of all of us together on Christmas Day, I sat opening my presents and my mother helped me. We looked really happy and excited in that one. It was one of the best days of my life and probably his too.

After my father fell into depression, I had to try and keep us warm and fed, which made my grades hit rock bottom. It was a hard thing to do looking after your drunk, dead weight father when you had social workers coming to your door once a month, living in a run down old house and of course trying to manage the money we got off the benefits, that the council gave us each month. Everyday was hard and for someone my age to try and look after my father, it was a miracle we had made it this far.

All I had in the world was him and now he was gone. I couldn't even bury his body because they didnt know where it was or how he died. He had gone missing a year ago, after being out late one night and never coming home. For months I tried so hard to get people to help me look for him and only a small amount of the towns people and the police would spare their precious time to help in my search for my world. We never found him in the end and he was declared legally dead.