When I Was Your Man

When I Was Your Man

There were three kinds of love in this world. The first one was this young

love. It's the type of romance that gets you going, that makes crazy, that makes you feel wonderfully young and innocent. It's where you usually experience your firsts. And young love, is always the one that the heart fondly remembers, every detail, every single moment. It may have ended in a heartbreak, but it's the very heartbreak that you want to remember a million times again.

The second kind of love is the infatuation kind. Sure, you're confused if you really love her or if you just want to be with her because of the wonders she could do to you. It's more like lusting after a person rather than loving her. But the thing is, it's a kind of love that gets remembered too. Because it's the type that sets you on high, that makes you feel like you're on top of the world.

And the third kind, this one is hard to find. Genuine love. Among the three, you'd be lucky if this is what you experienced first. Young love maybe amazing, infatuation or lust may make you feel like you're on top of the world, but genuine love gives you the world, it makes you feel real happiness, not just because you're giddy because it's your first or just because you're thrilled of the wonders that could happen between the two of you, it makes you feel real happiness because it's the first time that you're really sure of what you have and that you don't want to let go and the bonus part, the feeling is mutual.

And I have to say, I'm a lucky man.

Well, I was a lucky man.

I've not only experienced the first, the second, or the third, but I've experienced it with the same girl. How amazing right? Her name was Isabella or as I fondly call her, Izzie. She was my childhood best friend. And once we reached high school, I decided to take our friendship to the next level.

I remember the first time I asked her out. I was so nervous which was such a pussy move for me, Liam Miller, because I never get nervous. Not when I had to get my appendix out at age thirteen, not when I had to get braces, not when I first came home with an F, not when I first tried out for soccer. Liam Miller, doesn't get nervous, except when he first asked a girl out. It almost made me piss myself when she agreed on a date.

She was the first girl I asked out.

She was my young love, my first romance.

But eventually, the innocence that the two of us had started to fade and our eyes opened more to high school, every knick and cranny. Soft kisses turned to making out, it turned to first base, second base, and eventually third, yes, she was my first too as I was hers. But once that happened, eventually it was all I ever wanted, all we ever wanted. Until what we felt for each other was no longer young and innocent, we never said our I love you's before, even when we were together for a year, but after that night, we said it, not because we loved each other, but because we wanted each other.

It was lust at its finest.

But the funny thing is, we were okay with our situation.

But senior year, that's when I knew what she felt for me was real. We had a fight that night because she wouldn't go to the party with me and I never argued, that's what we fought about, me not arguing. I didn't get the point of our argument and I just stormed out and headed to the party. When it was over, I was drunk out of my mind and I still drove myself home, ending in an accident. Izzie was the first one I saw when I opened my eyes in the hospital, she had stayed with me the entire night, waiting for me to wake up. That's when I finally understood our argument. She didn't want me to go to the party so I'll stay with her and we'll spend the night together, no funny business, just a night of a young, driven, and in love couple.

She was in love with me.

And I knew that her love was genuine. Every time I get in trouble, she'll be the first one to get mad and then she'll just hug me and cry, telling me not to scare her again. Eventually I started to feel what she felt too: love.

And it scared me.

I was so scared of what I felt for her, of what would happen if I lost her one day, or if I was just assuming that she loved me. And if she did love me, I didn't think that I should be the one she loves. Like they say, we accept the love that we feel we deserve. I didn't deserve hers.

I was a bad kid. A disappointment to my family. I didn't get straight A's, straight F's, maybe. And my future, it was dim. I didn't want to ruin hers by having her love me to the extent that she'll give up everything she deserves. She was too good for me, as I was too bad for her.

So one day, I did the biggest mistake of my entire existence.

I broke up with her.

And to this day, I could still remember it. It haunts me, actually.

"Izzie, we need to talk."

She looked at me, her hazel green eyes confused and scared at the same time. Of course she was scared, I had just used the phrase that scared the hell out of everyone, "Is something wrong, Liam?

"I can't be with you, anymore, Isabella," I said quietly.

She stared at me blankly, "You told me you loved me."

I do. I really do. That's why I'm letting you go, "Feelings change, Izzie, and what I felt for you changed. This isn't gonna work out anymore."

She blinked, the tears forming, "You can't do this to me, Liam."

I sighed, looking at her, memorizing every detail of her face. I closed me eyes and planted a kiss on her forehead, "I'm sorry."

And then I walked away.

Breaking the love of my life's heart.

God, I'm a coward.

And here I am now, watching as she dances her first dance with her husband. How I'd do everything in my power to be in her husband's shoes. Eventually, when other's were given the chance to dance, I asked for her. She hesitated first, she always hesitated when it came to me, but she agreed.

"Congratulations," I whispered as we both danced silently to the song.

"Thank you," was her soft response, "You know, at sixteen, I thought that we'd be doing this."

I furrowed my eyebrows, looking at her, "What do you mean?"

"I always thought that you'd be the husband I'll be dancing with," she said smiling sadly, "But things change, and feelings change. And I guess it was just wishful thinking, because at sixteen, you always think it's true love."

I tried my best not to cry, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For not being your husband, for ruining your dream."

Her eyes softened, "I guess we just weren't meant to be, Liam."

I nodded and pulled her closer, "But in this moment, can you just be mine?"

"I'll always be," she said so quietly that I almost didn't hear it. At that moment, I knew she still felt something for me, but I also knew that I was just the man she loves, not the one she was in love with.

As the song ended, I closed my eyes. And then I stared at her, memorizing every detail, "I hope he loves you the way I should've, when I was your man."

And then I hugged her, and I heard her cry. I closed my eyes, we stayed like that for a moment until I pulled away from her and kissed forehead.

And for the second time, I walked away from her.