"White collar" destiel AU

Chapter 27

CAS POV

Sam drove for a few hours before Dean reclaimed the wheel, but while Dean slept, Sam and I made a plan, and he's making me execute it because he's still a little mad that Dean picked me over him to sit shotgun.

A few hours into Dean driving, Sam poked me through the seat, 'its go time' I politely ask to pull over, then I get out motioning for Dean to follow, I look to the stars, and now that we are away from the light pollution, the stars are so beautiful, its like nothing I've ever seen, by the time I can rip my gaze away, Dean is out, leaning against the Impala, and I could hear Sams soft snores from the backseat of the Impala, this is it, "Dean, whats wrong?" He freezes, tensing up and frowning, his lips stayed firmly shut "Dean! You've been off since our first date!" He sighs and smiles bitterly,

"Cas, you know how Crowley had visited?" I thought back to the odd Scottish man and motion for Dean to continue "well, he came to uh, well confirm a deal" its my turn to tense up, I look up at the stars, that seem to have turned into a sneer while Dean and I talked "how long?" He laughs again "well, since Ive killed so many demons, Ive got two years" I cant help myself, I bristle "oh, yeah? Dean what is worth your whole life, An eternity in hell, with a destiny to become a demon?!" He flinches and pulls something out of his pocket "well, I got two things, safety and, well, your manliness.." I blush "Dean, Im not worth that, you'll become a demon!" He grabs my hand and opens my fist, he puts something in my fist "this will protect you from Rowena or anyone trying to track you, Ive got one for Sammy too" my heart sinks and I pinch myself, maybe this is just a crazy, awful, dream and Ill just wake up at Deans apartment, but it cant be true " Dammit Dean!! How could you do this?" He seems a little shocked to say the least, but quickly recovers "Im just a blunt weapon, Cas! I dont see a light at the end of this tunnel,  I'l always be a criminal, nothing but a criminal that can take orders and fight and sometimes I cant even do that! But you can make it, you are a great person, I'll  just drag you and Sammy down for a few years, then you guys can move on with your lives! Besides, I figure I was going to hell anyways." But I dont want to move on without Dean, I want to drive shotgun in the Impala and watch him paint and maybe get Bee a cat friend and just live with Dean, and I cant,thats all gone now, whisked away by Rowena, and I know that this was her plan all along, and we fell for it. Two years then its over, even if I do see Dean after that, I really wouldn't want to. Speechless for Deans lack of self respect or thought, I walk away and get into the Impala,  I put my head in my hands and face the window, hoping Dean would get the hint and let me process this all, god your so stupid Castiel, thinking that you had a chance at being Deans boyfriend or even more, he only has two years, of course he doesn't care about you.  I know Im being irrational, not everything is about me, but I cant help it, tears slip down my cheek but I turn to the window even more so Dean doesn't notice.