In The Wrong World

Chapter 4 - Brighter Side Of Life

{A/N. On the side is Simon Nessman who I think would play Andrew.}

After getting back to the pack house after the fight all I really wanted to do was go home, have a shower and sleep for about three days straight.

After Andrew told my dad about what had happened at the fight he got a bit emotional about how 'I could have died' which kind of makes sense coming from your dad who just lost somebody he loved last year. He didn't cry though, he just looked as if he wanted to keep me safe, which throughout the years, he has done really well.

So my dad just took me to our house and I've been left in my room for the past few days in a state. I've had Andrew and Ava try to call me for the past three days but I just can't talk to them yet, I don't feel quite like it right now. I wouldn't be the best person to talk to right now. I wouldn't want to talk to me right now.

My dad has tried to speak to me but I can't face talking to him either. I don't even know why I'm refusing to talk to people. I just think I don't want to come to terms with the fact that I almost died again, leaving everybody.

I think almost dying again has got me all wound up and it's hard to think about how upset everybody was from the last time I almost died. I will never forget about how upset people were for me almost dying. Andrew and my dad wouldn't leave me alone after I got out the hospital. They always stood outside the toilet when I needed as well. And they hated when I put on the taps to drown out the sound.

One of them was always glued to my hip, which I didn't mind as much since I love them both but I'm a girl. I need my space, especially on that time of the month. They left me alone when I told them it was my time. They both got all awkward after I told them that so they left me alone.

The hospital had to put me in a medically induced coma to keep me alive after I had my 'near death experience' (what Ava liked to call it) and both Andrew and my dad were with me for the whole week I was in the coma.

They left Lizzie with Andrews parents because nobody wanted her to see me like I was and have her think it was a repeat of mum dying. That would be too much for her after it only had been two months after our mum had passed away.

All I've been doing in my room is reading a bunch of books.

I always love how in my darkest of days that a book can transport me to a different world and for the time that I am reading the book, I don't have to be myself and my problems don't mean anything. I am the character in the book and I only have the problems the author picks out for me. I am not me.

Over the past three days I've been doing nothing but read and I'm on my third book now. The one I'm reading just now is Looking For Alaska by John Green. He's a good writer and I love most of his books, sometimes it just takes me a while to get in to some of his books and really enjoy it though.

"Louise," I turn round and see that Lizzie is next to my bed and I never heard her come in. "Are you okay? Are you sick like mummy was?" She asks me worriedly. She seen how ill my mum was when she had cancer and she never really understood what happened to mum. Mum was in the hospital for a while and Lizzie really only knew that mum was sick (she didn't know anything about the cancer because that is hard for someone of her age to understand.) and that she spent the days in bed because it was to make her feel better when they let her go from hospital to spend time with her family for her last few days.

I feel bad for Lizzie as she never really got to know our mum and how awesome she was.

I pick her up from the side of my bed and place her on my lap. I give her a kiss on the forehead and tell her, "no I am not sick like mummy was, Lizzie." I look at her gently before trying to tell her why I am in my bed, "you know when you feel sad?" She nods to me, "well that's what Louise feels just now." I look at her to see if she is still following along, and she looks as if she is. " You know how that when you are sad, you want a cuddle and a kiss from daddy or me? I'm not sick like mummy was, I'm like you being sad. Only I want a cuddle and kiss from my bed." I try to reason with her in a way she will understand.