Hope

BLOOD

"My name is Asha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I say it for the 100 time this day as I feel the mirror of the room I have been trapped in for years. I have always know that a mirror shows your reflection. The last time I saw a mirror at its work was when I wash every time I touch a mirror I wonder how my looks has changed. My therapist believes that if I keep on asking that to myself then soon I will find an answer. The one answer I found was 'the therapist is a bag full of craziness in a place full of craziness and I'm just glad to be free from this hell they call the Mental Rehab'. They believe that this place is a way to make the mental people change.

But how the fuck am I supposed to change when I'm surrounded by more crazy mental people. And doctors who remind me of what I have done. Can't a girl just forget.

Today is the last night I'm staying here because they believe that I'm not capable of hurting anyone because I'm amaurotic just another way to say blind, because they believe that blind is a very bad b word that shouldn't be said around me because it might hurt my feelings. If they really thought I really wasn't capable of anything then they would of released me from this cage 5 years ago. I was meant to go to jail for 4 years but however they made a deal and considering I was only 10 when I was charged for murder and that I am blind, they decided to put me in a mental hospital. I'll take prison than a mental hospital any day, it couldn't be worse than what I faced in these past year.

Tomorrow I'll be hanging out with NORMAL people when just yesterday I was accused of being a mental slut. Yeah who wouldn't be excited to hang out with this ball of shine, mental and blind and I've also been accused of being a slut. A three in one package. I'll have all the boys crawling all over me won't I.

I jumped when I heard a knock and one the hospital nurse name Roger came to greet me before I even responded.
"No privacy in this place huh, I could have been half naked." I said

"You know this by now, privacy means nothing to this place and it never will be. You know the drill. Last check up before you know."

"What Roger before I what, join Rebecca in bed and strip in front of her and have crazy lesbian sex that would be consider illegal in Chicago."

"You know what I mean. I'm really going to miss you...And really Rebecca?"

"Awwww I'm touched but to be honest I won't miss you a bit not even a tiny winch bit" I say teasingly

"Come on not even a little, after all that we been through together" he said, offended

"I was just joking, you still can't get a joke now. You have been my only friend in this dungeon. I'm going to miss you a lot. I have been in 3 mental hospital these past 5 years but I got to say this is my favorite place even though it is an all women's hospital and that is because I got to meet you."

"Always stay strong pal, don't let others get you down."

After the checkup was finished, he announced that its dinner time and it was mandatory for him to take me to the cafeteria. It was always a rule in this place that the staff must never leave patient alone in the hallways.
We were almost halfway there, we Only had about 40 more step to go when I heard Rebecca's voice.

"Rebecca is coming toward us and what a shocker she's without her nurse again." Roger said helpfully. Roger had always been my eye in this place.

"Oh look who it is, isn't it sluttera, who you getting next in your bed, is Roger your next victim, be careful Rog, she's a biter, she'll force you to sleep with her like she did to that poor little younger guy." She blustered out.

"One, sluttera isn't a real word, oh wait how would you know if you got no brain, it's just air in there right. Two, Roger is only my friend, oh wait I'm sorry I should be elaborate more, you don't even know the definition of that word, because you never had one..."

"No I have plenty more than you can count." she interrupted

"Honey please you don't even know how to count and by the way the lice on your hair does not count as your friend. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this. And three, I didn't put myself on him, he forced himself on me and he...he told everyone that I raped him so he wouldn't get the blame. So get your fact straight before you talk to me."

"Yeah, keep on telling yourself that"

"Well you shouldn't be talking, weren't you the one who flirted with that female nurse so she could let you off the hook for that little incident."

"Shut up, Lexington before I"

"Before you what huh"

Rebecca PUNCHED ME on the nose.

It hurt like a bitch.

I felt a liquidly substance coming from my nose. It was blood.
I could already imagine that dark red color substance. It feels like warm water but that not what it is. It definitely doesn't taste like water. As the blood flows inside my mouth, I realize that it has a metallic taste.

I've always know what blood looks like, it was the last thing I saw before I turned blind,
when I stabbed myself on my eyes.

With blood there will always be pain.

And with pain there will always be feelings.