The Unusual Suspects Book 2

Dom

"I know I'm probably the last person that you want to hear from right now and I know that's completely my fault. But I've had you on my mind for so long. I just...I just wanted to see if you'd take my call." my mother said after I accepted her collect call.                                                                         "I can't promise how the rest of the call may go, but I'm here right now." I told her.                               "I appreciate that. I saw you on the TV the other day. You're really talented Dom. I would love to say I'm proud of you but I probably don't have that right. Your dad did an awesome job at raising you. I wish I wouldn't have kept Mo from him, she'd probably be better off." she said and I felt a mix of emotions but I didn't really know what to say. "It's me." she said softly.                                        "What do you mean?" I asked her.                                                                                                                                   "Dom...it's me. If you ever wondered in your life if it was something wrong with you that I wasn't around, it was never you, it was me. I knew I wasn't ever in the right place in my life to be a mom. I wanted to run the streets and get high. But I was too stubborn to admit that. When your dad told me he wasn't gonna allow me to ruin you all, I took your sister and told him that I would show him better than I could tell him. And...I was wrong. I ruined her. And I'm thankful that I didn't do that to you. But here I am, in jail, with my daughter. She doesn't deserve this life, but this is what I showed her. To see you rising to fame and living your dream, I can't help but think to what she could've been too. I know you hate me, but you were better off without me." she said as I could really hear crying out to me.                                                                                                              "I don't hate you. I don't even know you to hate you. I can hate your ways, but I don't have the heart to hate anyone. But...it sounds like you need help. And until you get it, you're gonna be a cancer to any and everyone who attaches themselves to you. The real question is: do you even want to be a better person or are you just recognizing you should've been better?" I asked her and there was this awkward silence on the phone. "Right...you don't know yet. And this is why I can't just let you in my life. Until you decide who you want to be, I can't deal with you." She didn't say anything but I heard her still breathing on the other end of the phone. "I love you, but please get the help that you need." I said before I held on for ten more seconds before hanging up the phone. I set the phone down on the bed and looked over at Kev who was staring at me.    "You okay?" he asked me. I really couldn't explain what I was feeling.                                                         "I think so." I said because I really didn't know what to say. He leaned over and held me for a minute. So many times I went over in my head what that conversation with my mom would've been like, but I never imagined that would've been it.                                                                                         "It's okay to not be okay." he said softly to me and I hate to admit it.                                                         "I'm not okay." I said to him and he squeezed tighter and for the first time in a long time, I cried. "You wanna talk about it?" he asked me. I cannot believe she actually drew tears from me.                "I just...I just don't know how to feel for real. Like she called out the blue and she said the one thing I wish she would've said that day she popped up at the house. Like...she...she..."                       "Babes...look at me." he said as he tilted my head up towards him. "Breathe baby...don't hyperventilate." He said as he simulated taking deep breaths and I did that. We looked in each other's eyes for a minute and I felt myself calming. "Good...okay. We can talk about it now or whenever may be good for you. Just let me know Love." he said as he kissed my forehead.           "I just wish her timing would've been better. I never knew she had a problem until after she showed up, like I wish I would've known. Like it doesn't make it any better but at least I would've understood her reason a little bit." I don't even know if I really meant what I just said.                         "But what changed Babes? You know now, but the damage was already done. You gotta take a moment and sort out your emotions around it. Until you can be real about how you feel, you're not gonna be able to move forward to what's next. You know I know better than anyone else. I know you've been through a lot and that makes it hard for you to express what you feel and that's understandable, but it's not helping you in the long run. If you don't sort this out you're gonna explode at some point. Just let it out." he told me calmly. And in perhaps my most vulnerable moment in life, I broke down completely. What I loved about my man is because he just let me, but was there to soothe me at the same time. I hate anyone seeing me like this but it's less stressful with him. After I calmed down he just looked in my eyes.                                                "Thank you." I said to him as he wiped my tears away.                                                                                        "You never gotta thank me for doing what I'm here to do Love. I got you. And when I say I got you, I mean that physically, mentally, and spiritually. I got you." He said as he kissed my forehead. "Plus...it's nice to see you really do have emotions." he said jokingly and we laughed.  "I've always had emotions, I just mastered not showing them." I told him.                                                  "But you don't have to do that with me. Dom, I'mma give you me raw and uncut, shit I'm a man but shit I cry sometimes too. That's what makes us human, we feel. Don't be afraid to show me that."