the reality of an injured soul

I am Lindsey

                                                                    I am Lindsey and this is my life. :( 

Hi, my name is Lindsey its seven am and like every girl im trying to be "perfect" im thriving for perfection but what people don't realize is i thrive for perfection in different horrible ways.  Its seven thirty im on my way to school hoping that today would be different than yesterday hoping they like me today.  My dad says "be your self and everyone will love you," but he doesn't realize that being my self isn't good enough i need to be better i need to be thinner i need to be beautiful.  My mom died two years ago so i don't really have a motherly figure and so i have to learn everything on my own so its kind of hard cause people think of me of the girl guy who needs to fallow the pact but cant cause she doesn't know how too. Some times i wish that people would stop labeling everyone like why do we need labels? I'm just arriving at school im walking up to my locker and i open my locker what a surprise theirs another note it says "you slut why don't you just go die your not worthy of being here."  I don't know why im sad right now this isn't anything new but it still hurts it hurts that they call me that it hurts a lot it makes me feel alone and dead. So like usual i put it in my book of pain, its just another thing to add on too all this hurt and stress. I walk to my geography class my eyes are teary but i cant cry because people cant see the pain im going threw im not aloud to cry its against the rules. its against everything i stand for. So their i a  the girl in the back of the class with her chin up trying to make everyone else happy even though she cant make herself happy. So their she is having fun talking to one of my "friend." She starts talking about how her parents were yelling at her for not doing what she was supposed to an dhow mad she is. As usual i try to make her happy i try and make her smile i make her happy i make her smile, but that doesn't change how sad i am that doesn't change anything. I wish i could tell her about everything that is going on but i cant because i don't wnat anyone else getting in the middle of all of this. I am on my way to band now :( and then Sidney comes up to me one of the popular girls who hates me. She says "Hey Lindsey like your little wake up present?" I walk away looking all strong and powerful but i skip class and go home my dad is home i run up to my room slam my door blast my favorite song and then. I'm broken. 

                                                                                        THIS IS ME  I AM LINDSEY