Once upon a time there was a man named Alex. He wasn't born, he sort of just appeared. He did not grow. He was born a hairy, manly man. People started to worship Alex because they wanted to learn about self healing. Because Alex doesn't need band aids. Alex closes his skin with mind muscles. Alex was a very caring man and everyone considered themselves children of Alex. Even the fabled Chuck Norris and mysterious Shrek wanted to have a picnic with the Manly Alex. But little did they know that a picnic with Alex was too mind blowing for even the most powerful beings to handle. Akinfenwa and Yaya Touré also tried to make breakfast for Alex but their food wasn't worthy and it exploded, killing them both.
One day, Alex was riding his unicorn across the night sky catching rainbow lizards when all of a sudden a silver demon crossed his path. Alex bellowed a mighty roar and the sound made the Ice-cream God's ears pop. Alex was furious that the silver demon had entered his line of sight. Alex was enraged even further because one of his rainbow lizards tried to escape but Alex was too fast and caught it with his big toe. He glared at the demon and dubstep came out of Alex's eyes and severed the demons horn. The demon cried in agony and apologised but Alex picked him up and put him in a space-jar for safekeeping. The demon tried to escape the space-jar but Alex spoke out of his right nostril. He said, "BE GONE FOUL SCUM AND RETURN TO PLANET HELLPIE!" And the demon did so.
The children nowadays speak not of Alex because Alex was before time and the stories passed down were kept at a hush because the elderly were afraid to speak his powerful name. Alex is not dead, however; he is in a deep slumber, somewhere underneath the Earth Turtle. He is rumoured to be disguised as a human but he will awaken one day with full power and his might and beauty will overwhelm us with joy and the world will be right once again.
The end.
