The members of Fifth Harmony had just finished a great show in Miami. After having eaten dinner at a Cuban restaurant, Lauren convinced her bandmates to visit a morgue. One of her family members was a doctor, and she had stolen the keys to the hospital from her. She thought it would be fun for them to have a special "ceremony."
The girls successfully snuck into the hospital unseen. Luck was on their side when it was discovered that there were no employees inside the morgue. Lauren had brought a cauldron and special "ingredients" with her. Using a hose attached to a sink faucet, she filled the cauldron with water, put the ingredients inside, and stirred the mixture with a large, wooden spoon.
"Gather around ladies," Lauren instructed. "We are here today for our first meeting of the Beelzebub Club. All hail our deity, Lana."
The girls looked around at each other confused.
"Say it!" Lauren shouted.
"All hail our deity, Lana," everyone groaned in unison.
Lauren continued, "The first part of our ceremony involves a revenge spell. We ask our god, Lana, to use her powers to harm those who have done harm to us. This is how it will work. You will ask the almighty Lana how you will want your enemy harmed and drop his or her picture into the cauldron. I'll go first to demonstrate. Lana, I want you to turn Brad Simpson into a woman and have his bandmates slut-shame him." Lauren dropped a picture of Brad into the cauldron. "You're next, Camila."
"I don't think I want to do this anymore," Camila admitted.
"Camila, you promised you would," Lauren reminded her.
"I know, but I've changed my mind," replied Camila.
Lauren threatened her, "Camila, if you don't do this, I will burn your hair bow collection."
"Okay!" Camila conceded. "Lana, make Austin Mahone's penis fall off so he can no longer have sex with Becky G." Then, Camila dropped a picture of Austin into the cauldron.
"Becky G is my friend," Normani added.
Lauren scolded Normani, "Don't interfere with people's wishes."
Then, Lauren looked to Dinah and nodded her head letting her know that she was next. "Lana, make Nela Otukolo's tongue fall off after licking that nasty chick's booty hole," said Dinah. She then dropped Nela's picture into the cauldron.
"Alright," Lauren began again. "We already know that Normani and Ally claim to have no enemies, so I have picked them out for them. Lana, since Masi Hansen once said that some black girls just naturally stink, I want you to make him funky for the rest of his life no matter how much he showers and deodorizes."
Normani complained, "Lauren, he's changed."
"Too late," Lauren quipped as she dropped Masi's photo into the cauldron.
"I don't want a stinky boyfriend," Normani pouted.
"Normani, if you don't shut it, I will tell Masi that we're fucking," Lauren warned. "Now, for Ally. I have screenshots of the ATRL, PopJustice, and Oh No They Didn't websites. Lana, I want you to shut down their servers because their members have said that Ally is shaped like SpongeBob SquarePants." Then, Lauren dropped the screenshots into the cauldron.
"That is not nice," Ally scolded. "I shouldn't even have come."
"Shut up, Ally. I don't care," Lauren snapped. "Now, we are moving on to something more positive. We will now ask our deity, Lana, to bless our lives with something we want. Camila, you can go first this time."
"Lana, please bless me with a plantain and cactus farm," Camila requested.
Dinah spoke next. "Lana, please turn me into Beyonce."
"Lana can't do that," Lauren informed Dinah.
"Oh. Lana, please give me more singing time on our next album," Dinah requested.
Normani figured it was her turn and spoke. "Lana, please have Chris Brown slap me around and pull my hair."
Stunned, everyone stared at Normani with their mouths agape. To get the ceremony going again, Lauren broke the silence. "Uh. Whatever floats your boat. Ally, it's your turn."
"I'm not taking part in this sorcery. It's sinful," said Ally.
"Ally, if you don't make a request, I will stuff you into one of those freezers," threatened Lauren.
Ally gave in. "Alright! Alright! Lana, please bless San Antonio with a Waffle House location."
"It's my turn now," announced Lauren. "Lana, please kill all Camren shippers."
Camila interjected, "I thought this wasn't a revenge sp..."
"Well, that's a wrap, ladies. Let's get out of here," Lauren interrupted.
Lauren dumped out the contents of the cauldron into the sink as the rest of the group gathered the other items that were lying about. As they were about to walk out of the door, Dinah's heart stopped, and she dropped dead.
Lauren looked down at her dead friend and shook her head. "I knew that bitch was a Camren shipper."
"
