I miss you, I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear every once in a while
And even though it’s different now,
You’re still here somehow
My heart won’t let you go,
And I need you to know
I miss you, Shalala …
I miss you.
When words don’t come out, that’s when music says it for you.
Its summer and I have summer classes -.- But I guess this ways better. Why? Because I can divert my attention somehow. With all the heart issues I’m experiencing right at this very moment. Heart issues? Yep, definitely heart issues. Behind these smiles, there’s a pretty bad story going on. And the pain behind is worth aching.
“I’m sorry Lexie, but I’m letting you go. You don’t deserve this. I’m sorry”
When I first read these words, I blinked my eyes for what feels like a hundredth time. I’m letting you go. You don’t deserve this. Wait, what? I felt like I was falling into pieces. I was shattered. Badly shattered. Can I ever get pass through this? I was drop dead. My heart didn’t beat for a second or two. I never did expect, for once, that the man I love would tell me these words. I know were in a difficult situation but is this how’s it gonna end? No! I will never let this happen to us.
Trevor and I have been together for almost 4 years. Every day of those years were filled with happy, sorrow and of course, love. We never expected to have fallen for each other. It’s like, a switch has been flicked and then that’s it. Love really works in mysterious ways. But what’s not to like? Trevor’s bright, understanding (superb!), humble, patient and quiet. He’s actually the total opposite of me. I’m loquacious, impatient but hey, I’m friendly (that’s what they tell me) and crazy. Maybe that’s what he liked about me. He used to tell me to just be myself and never even gave up on my temper and mood swings. I have made some serious mistakes to make him go away and leave me, but he never did. He really loves me. He loved me. I guess the latter is the right term for it now.
“I understand were in a difficult and most probably the hardest situation will ever be, but I’m not giving you up. That hardly can’t be located in my dictionary. I love you Trev. I really do. I totally understand everything. I know you’re suffering more than I do and I believe this is a test of trust and faithfulness. I am not giving you up. I can wait, I never even bothered to wait this long. You may not even say you love me, that you care for me but I will not stop reminding you on how much I love you. Maybe, it’s my time to prove that I really am faithful to you. I’m sorry for all the things I’ve done. Always remember, I love you and I always will. Take care of yourself Trev :*”
This was my reply to him. And will always be my reply. I am not giving Trevor up. He’s everything to me. He’s the sun and I’m the planet revolving around it. We made our very own galaxy. We made plans of being wed in a church with the ones we love. We’ll build a beautiful house and have children of our own. We will live happily, like any other families. We also talked about having vacations to different places, eat delicious foods and try adventures. It all comes down to being together. Being with him makes me feel at my best. Like I can do all things, be it that he’s on my side. Supporting me and keeping my head held high. He’s my personal scent of home. He is my home.
It’s been two months now that I haven’t heard from him. I have kept myself busy as to not think about it and go on with my life. But I would be lying if I told you that. From the first light in the morning and the setting of the sun, he always crosses my mind. I even ask if he’s doing fine, how he is coping up, is he missing me and the list goes on. But the question that I want to be answered is this, does he still love me? I am not sure anymore. Was the love we built still strong for us to hold on to it? The promises, letters and the sweet exchange of I love you. Does those still count? Will we ever get pass through this? Will this be a happy ending?
I believe everything happens for a reason. I have always been praying for the relationship of me and Trevor. I can’t imagine myself with someone else. It’s with him, and will always be with him. They say that people only truly loves once in their lifetime. And Trevor will be my first and last love. We are faced with this kind of situation to see if we can keep up to the love we built. Many things will change, but one thing’s for sure, my love for Trevor will never change. Because I believe that I found someone that’s one in a million. I don’t know how this will end, but I am hoping and praying for the best. Fingers crossed.
Velvet Serenader.
