Random Quotes

chapter 1

Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.

Reasons why Halloween is the best holiday there is:  1. You are not obliged to visit relatives. 2.You are not obliged to get gifts for anyone. 3. People will give you candy for absolutely no reason other than its Halloween. 4.Its the only day when it's socially acceptable to go out in public dressed as a penguin.

One time this girl really hated me and wanted to ruin my reputation or something, so one day I was talking to a boy and she came up and really obnoxiously said "You know she has a crush on you right?" and he was like "Man I hope so or else this is going to get really awkward." She f*ckin' told my boyfriend that I liked him.

Imagine meeting someone who understood the dustiest corners of your mixed-up soul.

There is a difference between giving up and knowing when you have had enough.

Life asked death, "Why do people love me but hate you?" Death responded "Because you are a beautiful lie and I am a painful truth."

If you're not going to speak up, how is the world supposed to know you exist?

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. Its not. - Dr. Suess

We are gathered here today because SOMEBODY *glares at coffin* couldn't stay alive.

I love how in scary movies, the person yells out "Hello?" As if the killer is going to be like "Yeah I'm in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"

My life. My choices. My mistakes. My lessons. Not your business. I AM WHAT I AM.

They laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at them because they are all the same.

In the end, you tried and you cared and sometimes, that is enough.

Why are people surprised when they see depictions of Hitler that show him doing nice things with his friends or people he cares about? Did they think that he just sat in darkened rooms rubbing his hands together muttering "jews" disdainfully under his breath all day?

This one time I ran a red light on mistake THE DARK NIGHT RISES HOLY and I didn't notice it was red until it was too late so I just ran the red light screeching like an angry pterodactyl the entire time. A cop was at the intersection so he pulled me over and when he came to my window, he was weezing from laughing so hard, and he said "Ok so I know you ran a red light and that's really bad and you should never do that again, but I'm not going to give you a ticket because that was the funniest thing I've ever seen and my partner can't get out of the car he's laughing so hard he's about to pee himself. I forgot that I'd had my window down when I ran the red light and the cop told me that all he heard from my car was a really high pitched "screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhHHH"

OMG I WAS JUST AT THE HALLOWEEN DANCE THAT MY SCHOOL PUTS ON EVERY YEAR AND THERE WAS THIS ONE GUY DRESSED UP AS BANE AND ANOTHER AS BATMAN AND SUDDENLY A DANCE OFF WAS HAPPENING AND THEY WERE DANCING AROUND AND PUNCHING EACH OTHER AND THEN ALL OF THE SUDDEN JESUS WAS THERE AND HE BROKE THEM UP GAVE EACH OF THEM A HUG AND MADE THEM BOTH HUG EACH OTHER BECAUSE JESUS HEALS ALL WOUNDS AND I'M PRETTY SURE I JUST WITNESSED THE ALTERNATIVE ENDING TO THE DARK NIGHT RISES HOLY SH!T

I went to the mall with my friend, and we were walking and this guy our age runs up to us and he asks me if I want to see a magic trick, so I said ok and he asks me to hold a quarter with one hand, and hold his hand with the other, I wasn't sure at first but then I agreed to. He asked me to open and close my hand with the quarter a couple times before he finally said "I'm not a magician I just wanted to hold your hand because you're pretty."