And With Who Does My Heart Belong

Saying Goodbye

"NO MUM YOU CANT LEAVE!!!" I scream at her while walking across towards her in the kitchen. "What kind of a mum leaves there daughter."

"Hunny you can come with me. It can be you, me and Maddie." She gestures for a hug but I push her hand away.

"I don't want to come with you. Mum your going to the other side of the world! I've made my life here. I can't just drop everything and leave..." I slop into the kitchen chair, tears starting to flow down my cheeks.

"AWWW hunny" She crouches down on her knees in front of me. "The only other option is to go and live with your Father." She stands up again walking to the shelf and getting a glass. I watch her as the water flows out of the tap. That feels like my heart right now. She walks back over to me and places the cup in front of my hands.

"Well... I guess I'm going to Dads house then" I say.

My Dad left my Mum when I was about 9. I was young so I didn't really know what was going on. I found out later on that my Mum cheated on him. My Mum insisted that I stayed with her full time though, even when my Dad went to court trying to get me back. After that, we slowly drifted apart. I haven't talked to him in years.

"I'm sorry this is happening hunny. I just need a get away. A fresh start." She's fiddling with her hands, unable to make eye contact with me.

"Not as sorry as I am" I respond. Before she has time to say anything, Maddie comes running into the kitchen.

"Ziiiiiillllaaaahhhhhh" she comes running and jumps on my lap. "Aren't you excited about the trip? I packed a bag and even packed Mr Snuggles. He's coming too and so are you! So you better get packing!" She jumps off my lap and starts to pull my arm to try and get me to stand up. I look at Mum and the sad look on her face.

"Maddie, Zillah isn't coming with us" Maddie turns to look at Mum. Her face quivering up and her eyes turning into tears.

"But. But. She has to come. She's my big sister. I don't want her to go." She hugs me tight. Her arms strangling my waist. I try to unwrap her arms but she clings tighter and cries more, leaving wet patches over my dress.

"Maddie, I have to go. My friends are here and I can't leave them. I will see you again soon ok?" I stroke her hair slowly. She pulls away from me and looks up into my eyes.

"I will miss you big sister" she says quietly.

" I will miss you too my beautiful little sister." I whisper in her ear. She giggles a little before going and sitting on Mums lap.

"I better go pack" I say. And leave to go to my room.

When I walk in my room it saddens me. Leaving this room which I have changed and redecorated since I was little, is going to be harder than I thought. I pull my suitcase out from under my double bed and place it on my sky blue duvet. I open it up and walk towards my wooden draws, grabbing my favourite clothes. I run across the room back to my bed in attempt to get all my clothes over there at once. Mission fail. I ended up dropping half of the clothes on the way.

"Shit" I mutter. And storm back and pick them up one by one. I zip my suitcase up after putting a few pictures in there and drag it out into the lounge where I see my Dad sitting on the couch. Was I really in my room that long? He stands up when he sees me standing in the door way to the lounge.

"Hello Zillah." He starts to walk towards me. I run over to him and give him a hug, my head resting on his shoulder. "I missed you baby girl. Your not much of a baby anymore though are you," I giggle as I pull out of the hug. I turn to look at Mum. She looked sad. Her blue eyes had black bags under them, like she had lost sleep thinking about all this.

"Mum" I run towards her as the tears welled up in my eyes. I surround her in a hug. I hear her sobbing on my shoulder. I couldn't believe I was leaving the mother who has raised me the past 16 years.

"I will miss you darling" she says pulling back, my hair stuck to her tears. "Make sure you stay in touch. I need to know how my baby is doing."

I smile and nod my head while wiping my tears away. I pick up Maddie who was clinging to my legs.

"Goodbye Maddieboo. I will see you again soon ok?" I plonk a kiss on her forehead and she giggles.

"Ok Zillah" she replies giving me a big hug. I return the gesture before putting her down. She clings to Mums hand.

"I just need a minute before I go" I say walking back to Dad. He nods and I go down the hall and right at the end on the left. My room. I stand at the doorway looking around. I will never forget all the memories I've had in this room.

All the fun, all the tears like when I was jumping on my bed when I was 11 and tripped and fell. I face planted into my pink butterfly draws and cut my lip open. There's still a scar to this day. I will never forget when there was a thunder storm and Maddie was scared. She came into my room at 1 in the morning and I told her stories until she fell asleep in my arms.

I walk over to my bed and sit. I run my hands beside me, over the duvet and look around. I see the stick person I drew next to my bed with vivid when I was 9. Mum couldn't get it off so we just hid it behind my bed until I moved my room around again. Then it became visible.

I look up and Mum is at the door. "You ok sweetie? You better get going now. Your fathers waiting." I nod and stand up, taking one last glance around the room. Then I walk out.

"You ready to go Zillah?" Dad asks me as I walk out towards him. I shrug and walk to the front door. I wave goodbye to Mum and Maddie and pick my suitcase up. I shuffle it into the boot of the car and take a seat in the front. Maddie and Mum are waving from the doorstep. I wave back until the house fades from my vision, becoming just a memory.