Unexpected (lesbian story)

The funeral

(Reminder; the songs that I link from YouTube at the top, are usually for you to listen while reading. If it works that is, because they typically fit the scene in my opinion)

 Violet's POV

Her funeral was on a rainy Saturday. Her mother, her father, her little brother, Angel, and I, sat in the front row. Her mother asked that I help plan the funeral since I had been her closest friend. When I had arrived at Juliet's house the day she killed herself, her mother, sobbing of course, told me of her strange behavior in the days before, and asked if I had any idea why she would do this. Was she depressed? Had she shown signs of being suicidal in these past couple weeks? I couldn't bring myself to tell her about prom night. Her last thoughts of Juliet should be fond ones. Of a happy, kind, smiling girl, with a bright future ahead of her. I didn't want her to know what Juliet had done, the last time I saw her. The last time I saw her. This girl I had loved for years, I left standing, shocked and alone, on prom night. And that was my last memory of her. The shocked and horrified look on her face as she realized what she had done. And I didn't call her. I didn't text her. I didn't talk to her. And I never will again. Thoughts like this were the ones that kept me up on the nights before the funeral. And when I finally fell asleep, I woke up in a cold sweat, screaming my full head off, because of the nightmares that now constantly plagued me. Angel, who shared a bed with me, was awoken by my screams, and constantly had to hold me close and whisper calming words for a half hour before I finally settled down. I told her that she didn't have to share a bed with me, and that the room next door was always open, since I kept waking her. But she refused to leave. I suppose that's love. 

On the morning of the funeral, I woke up, exhausted, as usual these days. Angel, who had woken me up at 7, had to come back in after her shower and wake me again, since I had fallen back asleep. Once I finally managed to sit up, I took a shower, and dressed in a long, black, silky dress, that I had only worn once, for my grandmother's funeral last year. Angel was wearing an outfit much similar to mine. It's not like you were supposed to wear lots of color to a funeral. I didn't eat anything for breakfast. I had no appetite. I never thought I'd be getting ready to go to my best friend's funeral. At least not now. Not so soon. Maybe when we were both old women, having lived successful lives with our husbands and families. But that was before. Before all this. When I actually wanted a husband. When I hadn't screwed everything up by being in love with Juliet. This was all my fault, and no one could convince me otherwise.

"Let us not remember Juliet by the way she died. But by her smile. Her laugh. Her beauty. Her way with words. With other people. How she always tried her best to cheer everyone up when they were feeling down. But I didn't know Juliet as well as her mother. Her father. Her brother. Her best friend. So let them come up and say a bit about Juliet. In the hopes, that it will bring back fond memories. And maybe a few sad ones. Ms. Juliet's mother has requested that I have her most trusted, and beloved friend, Violet, come up to speak first. That is, if it's alright with you dear?" The man at the podium next to Juliet's coffin asked, glancing at me, as I sat staring straight ahead, trying not to cry. I looked at him, and nodded. He stepped away from the podium, as I stood up from my seat, and walked over to him. He handed me the microphone, and walked over to my far left. I made my way over to the place where he stood just a second ago, the microphone in my hand covered with sweat from my palms. I cleared my throat, trying my hardest not to glance at the coffin. 

"Well. Um, I prepared a speech the other day, but I decided not to use it. It just felt like I wasn't truly saying the best things about Juliet that I could. It's better to think of the memories on the spot. More meaningful. So. Where to start. Well, I met Juliet in kindergarten. It seems like just yesterday, I was sitting at the dinner table with my mom, gushing about amazing she was. And she was. She was amazing. I couldn't have asked for a better friend. She did have her moments, but everyone does. Even if sometimes, she got carried away with things, it didn't make me love her any less. My mom stopped really being there for me in 2nd grade. After my parents divorce the year before. But Juliet and her family acted like my second family. I always slept over at her house when my mom would be out of town for weeks. Which was almost every week. I practically lived at her house. Even though we had our differences, we got along great. I remember she would almost always force me to play barbies, even though I couldn't stand it. I thought it was the most boring thing in the world. I did it because I loved doing anything with her. She could've asked me to go skydiving. I'm afraid of heights. But if she was there, I would've done it. Just recently, we- we-" I faltered, trying to lessen the burning in my throat, that accompanied my urge to cry. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. It was only a week or two ago that we had been in her room picking out prom dresses. Only a week or two ago that I had finally excepted that I was in love with her. And now she was dead. "Continue with your speech" the small little voice in my head urged. I swallowed. "Just recently, we were picking out dresses for prom. I hated sitting there for hours, staring at dresses that all looked the same to me. But I loved sitting there for hours, staring at stupid dresses, with Juliet. And I've always done things for Juliet. Things with Juliet. Things that I hated or thought was incredibly boring. And just recently Juliet and I got in a huge fight. I was tired of doing things Juliet wanted and never getting anything in return. She took advantage of me. But she was also my friend. And I should've remembered that. My last words to her were resentful ones. My last memory of her was of a shocked and hurt expression on her face. And that haunts me. It always will. So I'll say what I should've said a long time ago, now. I'm in love with Juliet. And I think I have been since the day I met her. I refused to admit it until very recently. Until the night of prom. After we had a big argument. And that's not the way she should've found out. I know that now. I feel terrible that-" I stopped as several tears began to slip down my cheeks. I took a deep breath. "That it had to end this way. I always thought- I always hoped that I'd be up giving a speech at her wedding. Not her funeral." I set the microphone down on the podium, and walked back to my seat, my head down. I took my seat next to Angel, who put her arm around my shoulders, as I buried my head in the crook of her neck, and began to cry silently. And I stayed there, my head hidden, for the remainder of the funeral.