Best Mistake || elounor

Part One

Most of the time, sorry means the world to someone. Whether they were saying it or hearing it. When someone says they're sorry, they're putting all of their hope of fixing something into one word. When someone hears it, they have to make the decision of whether it's enough or not. The word sorry is the beginning and the end of so much.

Eleanor fucked up and she fucked up big time. And there was absolutely no amount of sorry's that would make up for what she had done to Louis.

It was a drunken mistake, but it was so much more than that. Eleanor was so lonely and was upset with Louis because he was making no effort in their relationship anymore. It was like he wanted someone else and not her, making her decisions even more blurred. She couldn't think of the cons when she had gotten drunk and went home with an equally as drunk man. Eleanor wished she could blame all of her actions on alcohol and say she was taken advantage of. But at the time, all the alcohol did was make her more relaxed, not looser. She was perfectly aware of what was going on and how wrong it was. But having sex and feeling like someone actually cared and feeling good after so long felt better than not doing it at all. Louis may have thought Eleanor wasn't enough, but he wasn't enough for her, either.

But when Eleanor had woken up the next morning completely sober with a man shrugging on his jeans while Louis glared in a corner, looking like he was trying not to either cry or scream, she knew that nothing felt worse than cheating on someone who loves you and you're supposed to love back. And when Louis packed up all of his things without a word and left Eleanor's flat, she realised that while that man's touch felt amazing after so long of not feeling anything, nothing felt better than the love of Louis.

Louis felt miserable. He had moved back in with his mum and sisters and no matter how much they tried to cheer him up, he would stay locked up in his room all day.

Eleanor cheating on him had been one of the worst feelings he'd ever had the misfortune of feeling. He had a hole in his shattered heart, now, in the shape of Eleanor. He knew he'd never love someone as much as he'd love Eleanor.

He started thinking of reasons why she'd cheat on him. Reasons varying from she never loved him to he wasn't good enough. He blamed himself. He wasn't enough for her. It could've been the fact that work had tired him out a lot lately, making him come home tired and not wanting to do much more than eat and sleep.

Seeing Eleanor in bed with another man broke him. He didn't know if he'd ever be fixed again.

Eleanor sighed softly as she tried to go about her everyday routine. It was part of the grieving process, her therapist told her. In order to stop grieving over something, you have to continue going about your day regularly. Eleanor wasn't sure how it was all going to help, though. Ignoring the problem and going about her everyday, writing down everything she did. Louis was part of her everyday life. He was part of her world and without him in it, she had nothing.

Everyday, Eleanor felt like a robot. She didn't feel human or like she even mattered. Just some scrap metal thrown together just to be disposed of in a dump later on. Even brushing her teeth just seemed too automatic. She needed Louis to just feel normal and she was the one who threw that all away.

When Eleanor was done with all of her morning tasks, she sat on the couch, staring blankly at the telly. Her phone was right next to her as she watched. It was the one thing she didn't write down on her planner that she gave to her therapist. How many hours she sat there by the phone, praying Louis would call her up.

Louis played with his phone in his hands. It had been two weeks since he moved out of his and Eleanor's once shared flat. He had yet to change her caller ID from 'Ellie bear 🐻' and it mocked him through the screen on a daily basis.