Underconstruction

Untitled Part 1

"No, Brian, I really don't think you can fit your dick in that toilet paper roll," I huffed in slight irritation at my obviously insane boyfriend. 

"Nah fam, I really think I can fit my dick in there."

"Oh god, please don't, that is not something a girl wants to see."

"Then don't look boo bear, life is full of new things and adventures. And this adventure must be fulfilled! I must make the dick gods proud of me!" Brian practically preached and stood up from the couch we were lounging on. Trying to convince Brian to not do something was almost like playing tennis against a brick wall. You always lose. 

"Okay here I go."

No no no no. Oh my god, how the heck did we even get into this terrifying situation? Mom... I'm so sorry that this is what my life has come to. I had dreams for myself and I'm sorry I couldn't-

"Oh. My. Gosh. AMBER! My dick. It's stuck. My fucking dick is stuck Amber please help me," He screeched. 

"JESUS CHRIST. Brian you got yourself stuck, I'm afraid we are going to have to chop it off," I trailed on, trying to scare him. 

"NO, please. I love my dick, I never want to part from something so important to me. Curse you bloody dick gods!" I lowered my hands that were covering my face for a split second and I could have sworn there was a single tear rolling down his cheek. 

"Oh my g- ugh. Just figure it out yourself, I'm out." I got off the couch, still shielding my eyes and literally sprinted out of the room. It's not even noon and I'm already done with Brian's shit. 

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About an hour later, I finally decided to check up on him. There wasn't a sound coming from the room except for the light hum from the television.

"Hey, Brian, are you okay...?" The next thing I saw was surely unholy. There was Brian just standing there watching Clifford the Big Red Dog with his dick in a box. A fucking box. 

"Oh, haha, hey babe. What's, um, what's new?"

"Other than the fact that my boyfriend is a psycho? Oh yeah, not much really. Nice box by the way it really suits your skin tone."

"OH, psh. This old thing? Yeah it's really popular back in my home country, um, Boxinaria." He scratched the back of his neck.

"Boxinaria?" I scoffed. Right, totally. And what was his home town? Moron de la fucktard? He nodded his head and went back to watching his favorite TV show.

"Brian," I sighed, "Why is your dick in a box?" This relationship was really physically and emotionally draining. 

"I don't know, why isn't your dick in a box, hm?" Good question. 

"You're taking your mojo dick power for granted, what if you get an infection or something?"

"Yeah, because a box will give me fucking herpes"

"I think your friend has had enough action today, come on let's go do something I'm bored," I whined and tugged on his arms.

"Bored?! How can you be bored when the man of your dreams is dressed in nothing but a box. Amber I'm seriously questioning your sexuality now." He chuckled but I just rolled my eyes. 

"Yeah I like girls, that's why I'm dating you though," I winked and started to put on my shoes. He scoffed and started doing the same.

"Whatever, where are we going?"

"Only to the most hardcore place where all adults go to salivate in their adult responsibilities"

"So Chuck E Cheese?"

"Yeah, now go get dressed you need more than just shoes when you are surrounded by children."