Disenchanted Lullabye

In The End

~Miranda's POV~

I couldn't believe that Jaime actually asked me out. It was somewhat of a surprise and I didn't see it coming until the guys split up with us at the park but I'm kind of giddy about going on a date with him. I am excited but nervous as to what could happen.

We were currently sat in a cute restaurant and regaining our energy back.

Mike was breaking our balls pretty hard and just had the smuggest look on his face. Even though I was shutting him down every time he would make a comment, Every time he said something it just brought me back home and listening to my friends when Chris and I had first started dating. I had known him since I was ten, he was my best friend's cousin and I didn't like him from the start but he grew on me as that first day we met went on. He was addictive in a way; you didn't want to like him but he just knew the right things to say to make you love him for the asshole that he was.

I stopped myself from thinking too much about him and joined the conversation again.

"So, we'll all just go back to my house and chill?" Vic said and we all nodded.

We finished eating, paid the check and left. Soon we were back at Vic's house and reverted to what we had done last week; Video games and movies for the night.

"I'll be right back." I said and walked up the stairs and out to my car to get my cigarettes. I used to smoke regularly but now it was only an occasional thing.

I sat in my car with the door open; I had gotten myself thinking about back home. I missed it. While California is a nice change and I know it will be good for me, it's just nothing like home. I knew where everything was in Connecticut. I feel so... alone out here. I know I'm not but I was used to seeing so many familiar faces every day and now it's just the same small handful of friends that I've made. I thought about all that I had left behind; the friends I've had since I was ten, family that meant a lot to me even though they caused so many of my problems, the town that I grew up hating and loving at the same time; the small state that meant so much to me. I was now just a little fish swimming in a big pond not knowing where I was going or what I was going to do.

"What's wrong?" I snapped out of my thoughts only to see Mike sitting in the passenger seat staring at me with a cigarette in his hand. I hadn't realized I had been crying until he handed me a tissue.

"I'm just homesick." I said as I wiped my face. "I know it's not true but... I just feel alone here. I feel like in a way, I fucked up thinking I would be better off moving out here. I've met plenty of nice people and I know that this could be really good for my career but I don't think it'll be good for me, you know?" I sniffled and took a drag off of my cigarette before I got myself too worked up.

"Everyone gets homesick and thinks they made the wrong choice but it's just... You were in one place for so long and right now you are out of your comfort zone. Eventually when you get more comfortable being here, Home will be both places you have lived and not just where you grew up." He said with a small smile.

"I know, it's just still hard to picture me being here and doing something that I have craved for so long and making connections with people that I, at one time, thought I would never even meet let alone work with." I said with a sigh and put my cigarette out in my cars' ashtray.

"Well, that just proves that this is a good thing for you. You may doubt yourself sometimes and think that this was a bad move but it all works out in the end. The ends justify the means." I nodded and he stepped out of my car. I followed him so we could go back inside with the others. "You'll be okay and everything will be fine." He said and pulled me in for a hug. I appreciated him and his kind words but the small doubtful voice still stuck in the back of my mind.

For the rest of the night, I stayed quiet. I talked only when someone directed their words towards me. They knew that something was off but I just played it off as I was tired. Soon enough I was curled up on the couch falling asleep as they played their games.

I wanted to believe that everything would work out for me, that everything would be alright but it's hard to picture that when so much has happened to make you doubt yourself and your actions constantly.