Keeping Real - Ashton Irwin

Chapter 23

Once I got to The Park, all I wanted was to throw rocks, pull the sun out of the sky and crush everyone who had hurt me. But I couldn't find anymore strength. All I had left was my broken heart, silenced and sad.

I sat in the very center of the clearing and laid on my back, looking towards the sky. That way I could pretend that I was the only person in the world. Alone, and safe from everyone who could hurt me. What was love worth if it always ended in pain?

The tears flowed freely and I curled into a ball, unable to stop pain from shooting through my chest again and again. No matter how much I tried to push everything that had happened out of my head, some tiny detail always came through; Connor's prying hands or Luke's empty promises to be there for me or 'Cal promises' or Ashton's hand intertwined with my own. All of it hurt me.

I laid in The Park for hours, alone. I laid until I had no more tears left, only an empty chest and a stone cold expression.

That was when Luke stumbled into the enclosure. I had heard the crunch of leaves underfoot and some part of me hoped it would be Ashton. Out of all the jerks I knew, it seemed like Ashton, should be the one to apologize first. Not my loser brother.

"I am not talking to you, asshole," I told him harshly, not bothering to make eye contact with him. He didn't deserve to be looked at. 

"Let me explain," he began gingerly, staying at the entrance to our secret place. If he had come any closer I would've decked him, and I think he knew that.

"There isn't anything to explain, Luke," I said, attempting to end our pointless conversation quickly, "All of you are untrustworthy dicks and I was wrong to even believe that you could be good friends."

I heard his grumbling but I only continued, "And look, it only took about a month for you to go back to being a loser. I should've known the phrase 'loving brother' wouldn't stick for long."

"Its not like that! We didn't mean to miss your meet, we-" he tried to explain but I cut him off.

"You what, Luke? You found something more important than me? You decided that you couldn't be bothered with something as trivial as my most important moment?"

"Well news flash, that's been happening to me my whole life! Mom and Dad never cared about me or you. I'm used to getting my hopes up and then getting them cruelly dashed. Thanks for giving me a taste of it again," I told him, my voice taking on a cruel edge.

Luke looked ashamed. He hung his head and tried to speak but only shook his head.  He disgusted me.

"Get the fuck out of here. Your just one in my long list of disappointments. Just like Dad," I told him bitterly.

It was then that our eyes met each other. The distance between us shrank as I read a world of pain in his crystal blue eyes. I hadn't seen him cry since the first night our father got violent, but today, tears welled in his eyes before he turned and ran out of our special place.

In one day the boys had destroyed everything that was good in my life: my swimming career, my brother, my boyfriend.  All because I had let myself trust them to be good for me.

I refused to dwell on the look on Luke's face and instead stayed looking up at the stars. They had come out and I tried counting them. When I lost count somewhere between seven thousand and eight thousand, I ambled out of The Park and drove to Leilani's house. She was the only person I had left.

I cried myself to sleep on her couch and thankfully had a dream less sleep. I didn't know that the real nightmare would appear when I woke up.

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Thanks for reading! Sorry it's short.
Madinfanfiction