Her. The ink dripped on my forehead as I looked at the three letters I had just written on the ceiling above my bed. I'd been here for fifteen minutes but the word still seemed beautiful to me. HER. I'd used it so many times in my life but it wasn't until I met HER that it started to have more meaning to me.
She had sat next to me every day for the past six years. In grade five she had giggled when I threw a ball of paper at the teacher. Just the sound of her laugh made it worth the trouble and to this day it gives me a tingling feeling in my stomach to hear it. In grade six she had walked me to the office when I had spewed the half digested remains of my lunch on to the floor. Everyone laughed at me, but she never did. In seventh grade she tried to take the blame for breaking a display case I had broken. I was determined not to let her get away with that one. I marched right to the principal's office after school, fully prepared to shout at the principal. Whatever it took to keep her out of trouble. But when I got there, there she was. Her. She was sitting with her arms crossed like she was trying to protect herself from the scolding she knew she would have from her parents. It was that moment I knew how much my friendship meant to her. I had left the office feeling guilty and dishonest but there was also a kind of joy there that I had never felt before. I was confused, but it was a warm confusion that didn't worry me too much.
In grade eight she started dating. She met this guy from another school, Ryan. For so long I was angry at Ryan, even though I knew I should be happy for her. After a few months they broke up. She was in tears all the time and I consoled her. Once again I was confused. Even though Ryan had hurt her, I was still less mad at him. In grade nine, I began tutoring her in math. Her mom wanted to pay me but I refused. It was a favour and she was a good friend. Besides, I loved hanging out with her. Sometimes she'd play dumb so that I'd feel smart, but I knew it was an act. I could see something more behind those beautiful blue eyes.
In grade ten we became really close when, for the fifth year in a row, they put us in the same class and we were allowed to sit together. We were both nervous, moving to a new high school and all, so this was a great way to start the year. For a few weeks I was happy. She sat between me and the window and every time I looked over at her the sun gleamed off of her golden hair. It was this that made me realize what I felt for her. It was love.
Soon I was left in the background again. She started to date jocks and cool guys and I was just the guy that sat beside her. In my head, I'd write her little love notes and then crumple them in my fist and throw them away. This went on until the third week of grade eleven. She had just broken up with her boyfriend and one day after class she came to me in tears. "He left me.", she said and put her head on my shoulder. To this day I have no idea if she heard the words I whispered to myself. "I'll never leave you."
