RussiaXReader:: Loss

RussiaXReader:: Loss ; Oneshot

Soft weeping sounds came from the large living room. The large Russian sighed. It had been a year since the last loss. You were still extremely sensitive to anything of that subject. One year since the last, another year before that, two years before that, and three years before that. All of those times, you lost something. Every time. You were incredibly fragile. Ivan was scared to touch you, in fear you might break.

As silently as possible, Ivan made his way into the living area to see you holding your knees to your chest and hiding your face in your knees, you messy (hair color) locks tumbling down your neck. You were in the worst state possible, but you still tried to be strong, and to be brave. Slowly, Russia settled beside you. He allowed you to lean on him and wrapped his arms around you. "I love you." He whispered, resting his chin on your head. All you needed to know was someone loved you, that you were loved. "Я люблю тебя." He repeated in his native tongue.

Sobs tumbled past your lips as you clung and snuggled into his warmth. "I love you, I love you so much, Ivan." You wept, your tears soaking his pajama shirt. "But... I-I can't! I can't do it again!" You shouted, sitting straight up. Your eyes were so sorrowful and dull. Always filled to the brim with tears. Ivan could barely remember the last time they were so bright and alive. Your cheeks were red, but nothing like the blush you had worn on your wedding day or filled with joy from an exciting discovery of seven years ago. Eight years you two had been married. The first year was the best. It was a fantasy for you both. Then all the losses started piling in and Russia had to often leave for work, going to different countries for world meetings or meetings with another personification's boss.

Russia gently cupped your face, his touch just feathering your skin. "What is it, sunflower?" He asked, his violet eyes staring into your sad (eye color). "Please tell me, (Name)." He begged, then placed a kiss on your nose.

You gulped hard, your hands releasing his shirt, then covered your stomach. "Ivan... Again..." You muttered. "Again... We're going to loose another..." Even though he didn't think it was possible, the liquid crystals kept pouring down your red, damp cheeks. "We're going to loose another baby..." Your voice cracked and more sobs racked your small body. "Another baby, Ivan! I can't do it!"

Ivan felt his own tears rise and allowed a few to fall. He knew he wouldn't be able to hold them back anyway. "No, no, (Name), we don't know that." He gathered you back in his arms. "We don't know that."

You shook your head but stayed in his embrace. "No, we do! The first one was stillborn, the next one died a week after she was born, and the last two were miscarriages!" You trembled. "I can't live through another one..."

Sighing again, Russia gently kissed your head, then kept his lips pressed to your hair. "I have a passenger ticket. My boss was going to use it, but he called and told me he can't make it. He's sick. I want you to use it. Please, I want you to be with me. You should go. You're my capital, my Moscow, my (Name). Please, come with me. I don't want to leave you alone again." He whispered, closing his eyes and praying you'll come. You hadn't left the house in over a year.

Slowly, you nodded. "Okay. I'll go get cleaned up and dressed. We'll, uhm, discuss it later... I guess." You muttered, sitting up and rubbing away your tears. "I love you." You stood up with your husband and stood on the tips of your toes. Ivan leaned down and pressed his lips to yours.

"Love you, too, sunflower." Ivan had many nicknames for you. You loved all of them, but he had learned that one was your favorite just before he proposed. "I showered last night, so I'll just get dressed." You nodded, sliding your fingers through his much larger fingers. You loved how his hand nearly completely enveloped your hand. You stared at the rings on your finger, and bit your lip. You slid your hands out of his, then headed off to the bathroom in your shared room.