Of paper and pen

Who I am

"Never have I ever had trouble defining myself, when people ask me to define myself I have no trouble at all, and I make sure of keeping my feet stuck in the ground, rewritting who I am in a piece of paper.

If you came to me  to day and asked me to tell you about myself this would be my answer:

I am Maddison Scott, I am 22 years old, I come off as annoying most of the time but I like the way I am, akwardness and all, because believe me I'm an akward person, even if I get to know you, I am akward all the time.

I am vegetarian but I am okay with other people eating meat, I like aqua marine as my favorite color, my personality comes as strong when people meet me, some people see me as someone who knows what they want in their lives but in reality I couldn't pick up a suit this morning to come to this job interview, I don't know which line of work I want to have in this company, but I can tell you I'm straight forward and blunt, my mouth and mind are in complete synch but I do have a filter and I tend to overthink everything  I am about to say, therefore the akwardness.

 I don't believe in bad words and cursing, it just isn't me, if you want a honest answer come to me, and do not believe the rumors about me bad mouthing you, trust me I don't do that if I ever speak trash about you, it will be in your face, doesn't matter if it's in private or not, because I tend to do that when I'm mad.

When people get under my skin I do not say it until I've reached the point past annoyance.

I like sports, mainly basketball, but I don't play any of them in a passionate way, in fact I barely do anything in a passionate way, but somehow, everyone praises me for my passion and ability to achieve perfection, and I wonder what perfection really is?

I talk much and say too little,  as for right now I must be boring you, I am a boring person, I know. I have a steel backbone, I stand by my believes with facts and truth, up to this date no one has been able to win against me in a debate.

My problems are mine and mine only, I don't go telling them around because I can fix things myself, I will only ask for help when I need it, and although it may not seem like that, I don't have trouble asking for it.

Due to my constant reject for help, my akwardness, my straight forwardness, and my sharp eyes, I come off as cold but trust me when I say I am everything but cold, if you have a problem I will listen to you and help you, I will soothe you and open up to you because I know that's the only way you may open up to me.

I don't have a lot of friends because I come around as arrogant, truth to be told, I only point out what I know I have: I have smarts and curves, and I'm not afraid to say it, why? Because you are the only person who needs to believe it for it to become true, if people bring you down it won't matter, you are the only one who can bring yourself down, and I have brought myself down plenty. of times before.

If you can't stand to be around me why do you keep coming around? That's what I thought.

I've literally said this line 15 times in my life since I discovered I actually have a voice and I can stand up for myself with it.

Having said this, you may be wondering where's my low self-steem? Who will bring me down from my ego cloud?

Well, the low self steem comes when I struggle to not snap at people in the streets, who are laughing happily because I think they are laughing at me.

When I stare at the mirror and notice my stretch marks, that's the reason why you'll never see me in a dress.

When I'm told by my psychologist every friday that he is concerned about me, about my depression, my anxiety, my life...

When I realize I'm annoying people around me and I don't walk away.

WHo will bring me out of my ego cloud? I do it every single day in my life, I bring me way past it, I glue my feet to the ground realizing I'll never be the One.

I dream big and every dream I have I make it come true,  and it doesn't really take that long, trust me I don't even take the air I breathe for granted, I fight for everything I have and am.

So this is the person you see when she is out of her comfort zone, but this person will keep her head raised, her walk classy and elegant, her straight but elegant way of talking, her voice not loud but clear and strong so no one will force her to stop and no one will ever try to shut her voice, so no one ever again, steals it from her, this person will not show a single drop of fear, this person will only say yes when she means yes, and she will mean no when she says no, she cannot be played around with .

This person will not let her surprise to the new show because she will adapt to the new, she, in fact, will be the new, I will show to you that I can raise from my biggest fall, and as for right now, I will take my biggest leap from my biggest fall because when you are at the bottom there's no other way to go but up.

I know  I may come off as too strong and that due to that you will ... reconsider your choices ... I really won't care if you do, but as I told you I am someone who knows who she is, if you say yes or no won't change the perspective I have of myself or you, for that matter, because this doesn't define who I am, it only defines who I work for.

 And believe me when I say this: I won't dissapoint you"

This is the rambling I gave when asked the question: Can you tell us about yourself?

I took a long breath and stared into each and every men's eyes reeking confidence when in reality my hands were shaking under my coat and I was sweating like crazy.

One of the men laughed out loud as he returned my decided stare with a deminishing stare of his own.

He was young and handsome and wasn't afraid to show his ego. Two could play that game. I have him my sweetest smile.

"Very well" the eldest one in the room said with a look of amusement "You sure are good for the job but answer me Ms. Scott, how has your business career been doing?"