A Journey to Individuality #Scholarship2015

A Million Miles Behind

         "My mom is a bit smaller than me in height so every time she hugs me, her head gently touches my chest. I held her as close as I could today and she began to cry. I felt her shaking faintly, and then I began to feel her pain. I looked back one last time before I began to walk away.." As I sat at my boarding gate at the airport in Dubai, I took out my diary and continued to write.

        At the age of 16, I had to leave my parents in order to complete my secondary education successfully in Canada. At the age of 5, my family and I had to leave my place of birth, Sweden, in order to venture on a journey of new opportunities. With a family of 6 altogether, we became happily settled in Canada. At the age of 9, my father had moved to the Middle East due to a job transfer. At the age of 15, I had already completed grade 9 when I was informed that my mother and I were to move and join my father to live in Oman. To think I was soon to be leaving my little world of family and friends, whom I had spent 15 years with was unbearable. I was in denial for a couple of months, but time was running out. As I began informing those around me that I was to leave and return within 3 years, it began to hit me even harder that I had to leave everything behind and begin a new life in an unfamiliar country full of strangers.

      A year had passed by in Oman within the blink of an eye. That year I had learned a lot about myself. I was in the midst of several strangers, who had eventually become really close to me. As I finally began to settle down and embrace the idea of completing high school in Oman, I was informed that we were to move yet again. I had a month to inform my friends that I wasn't to return the following year. We packed our bags and moved on to our next destination.

      It had already been a month of my parents and I being settled in Dubai. Our home was neatly organized, our bags unpacked, however my mind and heart were not on the same page. After leaving two worlds behind, I wasn't prepared to indulge in a new one. There were unfamiliar faces everywhere I went, except this time I avoided people and sat in my own corner and often dwelled in my own thoughts. I wanted my old life back, my friends in Oman, my siblings and friends in Canada. Life had become a joke to me. School was no longer a concern for me. I made friends, but maintained a distance in the event of me having to leave the country and move away again. I knew at this rate I would not get anywhere in life. Every night I stayed up wondering what step I should take next. Every morning I would dread going to school. The system of education was harder to grasp this time; I was not able to concentrate due to the lack of stability in my life. It struck me one night that the best solution would be to leave Dubai and return to Canada. This would bring about more steadiness as I was familiar with the system of education there and I already had family and friends waiting for me.

    My parents were not willing to let me leave, after all I was their youngest child. Despite the numerous travels in my life, the common denominator in them all was my mother. She had always stood by me in order to guide and protect me. Everything had become a haze to me, and all I wanted was to return to Canada, yet I didn't want to leave without my parents. At that moment I realized that I was torn between two worlds. After successfully convincing my parents, it hit me that I was to move again, but this time to a place of more familiarity. The despair on my father's face was visible when he notified me of my date of departure. I had 5 days to pack my bags, and wrap my head around the fact that I was leaving my parents behind.

     When I arrived in Canada, I felt a sudden emptiness in my heart. A sudden cold feeling consumed me as I walked out of the Pearson International Airport. My eyes wandered, seeking those reassuring smiles, only remembering I left them a million miles behind. A moment of realization had taken over me; this was my first step towards my individuality. I began to understand that all those times I was in search for familiar faces in those countries, I was actually going home to them every single day. My parents were the ones who kept me sane; they were the two individuals who always stood by my side.

     My first day back at high school in Canada, I searched for my friends but they were no longer there. My family tried to be there for me, but they were all busy with their own lives. Everyone had moved on and changed. I came home to a certain inexplicable darkness everyday, and the silence is what would welcome me home. I would remember the days my mother would be waiting on me to come home in order to inquire about my day. At those very moments, I felt as if I was forced to grow up at a faster pace than those my age. Circumstances in my life taught me to appreciate my parents, understand their sacrifices and acknowledge the fact that no one will ever care as much. For the first time in my life, I felt alone.

    After those series of events, my parents had become one of my main motivating factors in life. I began to appreciate not only my parents, but also every parent who works hard in order to make a living for their children. I would sit with my friends' parents at times after school and admire them while they venerated and spoke well of their children. From a distance I would watch, as my eyes would swell up with tears. I would become nostalgic, but my strength would give me a certain rigid posture. I was able to maintain that posture up till the point when I finally met my parents again. "After a tiring flight, I had gathered my luggage together. As the gate opened in the arrivals area, I anxiously searched the crowd of strangers. My eyes stumbled upon those reassuring smiles I had once left a million miles behind. My eyes began to swell with tears, but this time I could not hold them in. They cascaded down my face one after the other, as I ran towards my parents. I embraced them to the firmest of my ability, and began to wonder if those were tears of happiness or of pain. I later came to realize they were of both. Happiness that I had finally reunited with my loved ones, and pain that I was destined to spend so much time apart from them..." I wrote in the same diary after my arrival in Dubai.

     Today I sit with my diary and ponder upon the past. In hindsight, I realize that the events that occurred in my life have had a huge impact on my personality. I developed a better understanding of life, and an appreciation towards each and every thing which we are blessed with. Family being the first and foremost. Often those who bring us into this world try to the best of their ability to make a living for us. As we grow older, we tend to forget that they too are growing older. Before we know it, time comes for us to return the favour and repay them of their love and support. The question is, is it possible to ever repay your parents for spending endless nights by your bedside while you had a cold? Is it possible to repay them for working hard hours in order to bring food on the table? My answer to that question would be to repay them with happiness, because it is really all they asked for and from you. 

As I flip through the pages of the diary, I come across an empty one. I begin to write.. 

"Dear Me, 

     I know it seems as if there is no way out of this debacle. You want to run away from everything, but you don't know where to go. You've been in too many places, met too many people, your dreams are all over the place. Mark my word when I tell you that all this is happening for a reason. This journey you will soon be embarking on will change who you are for the better. You will have to leave behind several good memories, and the two most important people in your life; your mother and father. I promise you that one day you will be able to look back, past all the fear and loneliness and will be to put the last piece of the puzzle together. It will all make sense one day. Hold on to your belief that everything happens for a reason. You will not have anyone to guide or protect you any longer, and this will teach you to fight your own fears and lead your own way. This is your first step towards your individuality. Embrace it, and you will become a strong young lady who can depend on herself for anything. " 

     Till this day, I strive to accomplish my goals. Some goals that I have nearly attained, others that I have not even begun. The strength and courage I have gathered along all these journeys in my life are thanks to my parents. I want to take this moment to thank them, and all the other parents in this world who struggle to make their children better people, to make this world a better place.