Open Notepad: Recollections, rants, and commentary

Recollection - Broken Body ; Unbroken Spirit (Warning: Swearing. Lots of it)

Quick opening / mini-warning.

The following details an extremely painful, preventable injury during rock climbing. This was completely preventable, and was human as well as equipment error related. Please, be safe, trust your equipment, always travel with a buddy, and always. Always wear a helmet. I wouldn't be writing this if I didn't. 

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"You're a tough sonofabitch. You know that?" 

The first words my friends told me after I fell 5 stories (43 ft, 13m) from a sheer wall, onto shale, and smacking the side of my head against a whole lot of trees on the roll.

On that very day, my body was utterly broken.

Absolutely, utterly broken.

In the hospital, I laid down in that bed, in pain, a little bit in tears. Busted shoulder, busted ankle, multiple broken ribs, broken nose, busted knee. Somehow, in all sheer luck I landed I guess what some would call, "the right way." 

My back was luckily. Hell some people joked it was the extreme way of actually fixing my posture from hunching over and playing too many damn video games when I was younger and fixing up my spine. 

But I laid there, in sheer agony. At that moment in my life, when the nurses and docs ran through their opinions on therapy and healing, I looked at them dead in the eye, and asked "how soon?"

They said five.

"To hell with that."

They said five.

"What's the fastest?"

Four.

"I'm going to get back in two. Just watch me."

Some admired my courage, some admired the fact I wasn't quitting. The believers though? Slim to none. I laid those first few days honestly, holding back from crying like a baby. I was being babied, day in day out. People feeling bad for me, saying that it was going to be okay, all the things I would miss out on. 

But I wasn't going to let that happen. Absolutely not. 

 You see, they can take away all the crap they want from me, but they can't take away my mind and my spirit. 

I'd punish myself to walk again during physical therapy. It didn't matter how long it would take. I'd just tell myself mentally,

"One foot forward. Then another foot forward."

"Alright. Only one more foot. 

Awesome.

If I made it one foot, I can do another."

I never quit. 

Two months later. I looked at that doctor, and grinned.

Two months.

Two months later, I'd be back on rock climbing. 

Four months later, I'd be running along "the younger guys" in track and cross country during conditioning. 

Five months later, I was dry heaving on my last breaths across the finish line of a club triathlon. 

A lot of people ask me, "how."

Simply, "how."

Of course, the generic answer is, I was determined to not quit. I mean, that's the answer most people would say. You're some sort of superhuman, or, you're just not a quitter, and you're tough.

To be honest, there were so many times I wanted to quit, and cry, and just be here. There were so many moments where I said "I can't."

I learned something important out of all of that.

You can't quit. 

You simply can't.

I laid there in bed, and when I thought to myself about all the suffering I did, all the asking of "why?" I realized something inside me.

"Just, Because."

Just Because?

Just because, absolutely just because. 

You see. Life will happen. Life will beat you in the face. It will spit down on you. 

At the same time, Life is testing you. Life is telling you, "here, take this."

And you know what I say?

Fine. Damn right I'll take it.

Because like I said before, you're still alive, you can fight, you can fight, you can live. 

For me, I learned early on, that you have to defy the odds. You have to stand up for yourself.

If you want the real answers in life, defy yourself everyday. 

Then you'll find the answer to the "Why?"

For me, the answer of Why ultimately, I found myself stronger. Because I knew, I was better than being broken. I knew, that I had the potential to walk again, move, and continue on, and I had the energy than to be stuck in bed, crying my eyes out. 

I learned that I can get what I want. I'd just have to fight for it. 

Fight for what you want, your dreams.

At the end of the day, you are you, so fight for it. Own your name, your legacy, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You can make it. 

As long as you can muster the courage, and have a little faith, you can do it.

Is it hard? Absolutely.

But there's something I've also learned.

Pain is temporary, success is forever, if, and only if you pursue.

Pain is only temporary, if you make it. Failure is only a setback.