thoughts.

graser's tweets.

A few tweets were posted by Graser about how he lacks the motivation to go to the gym and start working out more. He's pretty much 'addicted,' to pizza and I feel like he's not happy with himself. I feel like he's insecure, that's my assumption, at least. He tweeted a while ago about how he'd post his first official selfie once he's removed his braces and lost some weight. It gave me the idea that he's insecure about his body and it fucking hurts a lot because I don't think he realises how beautiful he is inside and out. He has a gorgeous body, but heck there's no way I'm gonna fucking convince him because I'm useless and he wouldn't see my tweets anyway so I'm spilling out all my emotions here because I'm tired of bottling up my feelings.
I had a dream about him last night, it sounds awful, but he was self harming and calling himself fat. I got so wound up in my thoughts and I cried myself to sleep and well shit I had a dream about it. It hurts because what if that's actually how he feels? He mentioned that he could make a channel based off of his progress on losing weight but then called his idea stupid, but that's not stupid at all to me. If that's what's gonna give him the motivation, then he should do it, in my opinion and I don't want him to change himself because he's already beautiful the way he is but I don't think he sees it. It hurts me a lot more than people would think because I haven't really gone into detail about the topic with anyone or any of my friends, but heck it hurts a whole fucking lot because I love Graser so much. He's my baby and seeing him get stressed or worried or upset or anything like that makes me want to cry.
John made a joke in a video with Graser that they made together a while back. The whole video was funny and I loved it until John made this certain 'joke,' about Graser's weight. Something about "300 pounds bouncing down the street," I wanted to smash my fist through a window. I could hear how fake Graser's laugh was and he was probably trying to play along with him because he didn't want to make it seem like it offended him or hurt him in any way.
Honestly though, Graser isn't even fat but I feel like that's how he views himself and he views it in a bad way. He's so gorgeous and I fucking love his body, like I want to wrap my arms around him and cuddle him. Fuck, I want him to know how adorable and cute he is.
I love Graser and he's so fucking amazing and wonderful and attractive but like, he doesn't realise it. It hurts so much to think about.
I don't want Graser to change himself but if he wants to lose weight if it's gonna make him feel better with himself that's fine with me because I want him to be as happy as possible but the thing is he's already beautiful enough idk how many times I've said that but I'm fucking sad.
Shit.
I want him to be happy. I want him to be happy with himself. I don't want him to doubt himself, ever.
- Sage