{CaptainSwan} - One shots

Not like home

I'm not a big fan of Dark Swan drabbles, but I just had to write this. And also, I had no other ideas. I'm sorry for not updating, I honestly don't know what happened. :(

When he woke up to the sounds of soft footsteps, he immediately knew that it was Emma. Since she had become the Dark One, he found her on his ship all the time, staring at the sea. Although after she got a place to live, a beautiful house near the docks, she stopped appearing in the mornings.

That's why he didn't understand what she was doing there. Not like it bothered him, - he was actually happy to see her - but it worried him.

Ever since they got back from Camelot, she avoided her family, barely speaking a few words to any of them. Sometimes she helped them doing research of Merlin, but she was quiet these times.

She was ashamed of herself, ashamed of her thoughts and actions, so staying away was the best solution she could find.

She shut out Killian too. She met him every day, asked him about her family and about research, but didn't talk about their relationship. Before their converstation could turn into something serious, she ran away. In a weak moment, she asked him to move in with her, but he said it wouldn't have been right.

There were moments when she allowed him to be close though, but they were really rare. It felt like she had more than one personalities, according to the amount of darkness she let take over.

He got out of his bed, and found Emma in the front of his ship. Even with her white hair, pale skin and long black dress she looked beautiful.

She sensed that he was coming, but didn't turn around. "It doesn't feel like home." She said quietly and continued to stare the horizon.

He stepped next to her, and looked at her face, waiting for her to explain.

"I have a house, but it doesn't feel like home. It makes me lonely."

He didn't know what to answer, so he stayed quiet. To his surprise, she spoke up again.

"Henry can't live with me there - I get that. He would be in danger. And I also get why you don't want to be there. It's just... I'm not happy, you know? I'm supposed to be able to get whatever I want. I can get money, I can get treasure, but it won't make me feel less alone."

He wondered if that's how Rumplestiltskin had become evil - maybe being the Dark One couldn't give him what he had wanted, so he had killed and tricked other people to have a little happiness.

But Emma - she had so many  people who loved her, she just couldn't see it because of the darkness that surrounded her.

"Tell me how to help you, and I will." He answered softly, leaving out the part 'but I can't  move in with you until the real Emma wants it".

She finally met his gaze, but after a second, she closed her eyes and turned back towards the water. "You can't. It's my battle to fight."

"But you know that I'm here for you, right? I lo-"

"Don't you get it?" She slapped angrily, and faced him again. "Rumplestiltskin hurt everyone, including the ones he truly loved. He always chose power. I will always choose power. So I don't want you to be here for me or love me, okay? That's all you can do to help me."

It hurt. He felt like someone stabbed him with a sword again. Emma had the biggest darkness inside of her, and she was still able to protect him. Protect him from herself.

"You can't just stop loving someone. You know that too." He whispered with a hoarse voice, and closed his eyes to stop the tears that were forming.

"I gotta go home."

She shut him out again, but before she could disappear, Killian spoke again.

"You said it doesn't feel like home."

She swallowed hard, thinking about what to say.

"Maybe one day I won't feel that way."

And then, she was gone, leaving behind nothing but pain.