Just Feelings

Possibly the worst feeling i have ever felt was not a physical feeling. It was emotional.

My dad died a week before christmas last year, and, the feeling i got then was not so bad as the feeling a got a week and a bit later.

I was lying in bed in my room. My brother was asleep in the room next to mine and my mum was down stairs. I was just thinking i needed to say goodnight to my mum when i heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Those footsteps sounded EXACTLY like my dad walking up the stairs with his tray of tea for him and mum. I waited in antisipation of him stopping at the top of the stairs to say goodnight but that never happened. It was infact mum.

The worst feeling was the sudden crashing realisation that the last week wasn't a dream and that he was gone. My rock and person i loved THE most was gone. Forever.

Nothing could have prepared me for that feeling. The intense overwhelming heart brake that i felt in that moment.